"For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

God given...parking space!

2011-01-06T11:20:00.000-08:00

This may sound silly, but yesterday I borrowed my mom's car so I could get all my art supplies up to my classroom. Before I got to campus I asked God for there to be a parking spot for me near my class...as it was up at the very top of the hill and I didn't want to be late! So I got there, and like the day before the traffic was CRAZY! Cars were backed up everywhere and, like always, parking spots were scarce and the competition for them was fierce! I got to the top of the hill and there was not a single spot open. I shrugged my shoulders and let out a defeated sigh and said, "oh well, maybe I was foolish to think I would find a spot, I knew it would be crowded! I will probably be late now...but it will be okay, I will get there!"

Right as I said that I stopped to let a student cross the road and low and behold! A big black truck pulled out of his parking space RIGHT IN FRONT of me! There it was! I nice shinny parking space just for me (shinny meaning the ice!)...right next to where my class was!

Was it petty and silly to ask God for something as feeble as a parking space? I don't know, but it doesn't hurt to ask right?

Did I give up too soon in believing that God would answer my prayer? Most definitely! As simple and seemingly unimportant as my prayer may have seemed to me, I still turned to my Heavenly Father for help, and this is just one more example of how many times I doubt that He has heard me.

As I pulled into the spot, I found myself once again humbled by the loving kindness of our great God! If He cares whether or not I have to carry two arms full of art supplies up... what, at least 10 flights of icy stairs or more on the way up to the art building? Dispersed between 4 or 5 equally icy parking lots in between...how much more can I trust that He cares about the bigger things in my life?

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:6-7

Now I'm not saying that I plan on asking God for a parking space everywhere I go from now on! What I am saying, is that I must humble myself and remember to be in reverence to the one holy God whom I serve. I too often forget the grace, love and mercy that He shows me every single day...which He CHOOSES to do because He loves me! I never deserve His goodness, yet He gives it to me anyway and it is my responsibility to never take it for granted, but to always be in awe of the One who provides for all my needs!

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?" - Psalm 8:3-4

All I really need....is God Himself!

2011-01-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

Life is hard and complex, full of joys and sorrows, requiring hard work at times while other times rewarding us with deep rest and warm rejuvenation. Then there is the One constant, God Almighty, who is always profoundly and perfectly good in every circumstance! His will is always carried out as He sees fit, our obedience and surrender aligns us and qualifies us to be a part of it. Our disobedience disqualifies us! My Heavenly Father stripped me to almost nothing this last year, and for a while I was devastated and I didn't understand. Now my life is quieter, less cluttered, and I have become re-acquainted with the richness and depth that a single moment can hold. The treasures God had planted in my heart were dulled and drowning in mucky puddles of busy schedules and noisy atmospheres.

Today as I type this, after a long, tense, and wearisome weekend, I find myself feeling incredibly grateful that God, in His loving kindness, brought me back to nothing, so that He could be everything again! What was cloudy in the midst of the storm is crystal clear now: There is nothing on earth or in heaven that I ever really need to know apart from the fact that I can trust in my God who loves me and is for me....everything He reveals to me beyond that is a privilege, and I should be honored...and humbled that He cares to tell me anything at all!

God's awake at 3am, and so am I!

2010-12-23T02:04:00.000-08:00

Another one of those nights where my mind just doesn't want to shut off! I drank my tea, read my book, even shed a few healthful tears as I related to what I was reading. I said my prayers and got into my cozy bed feeling the warmth and loving tenderness of a compassionate God all over me!
Still, sleep alludes me as those "loose ends," keep finding their way to the front of my memories. Things I haven't gotten past, people I haven't entirely forgiven, or things I'm still wondering about my future. I finally realized though that all these loose ends are attached to one common thread...my heart!
Isn't that always what God is asking for, our hearts? And isn't that always the one thing we have the most trouble giving to Him in fullness?

"The Lord our God be with us, as he was with our fathers. May he not leave us or forsake us, that he may incline our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments, his statutes, and his rules, which he commanded our fathers." - 1 Kings 8:57-58

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith" - Ephesians 3:14-17 (read the whole thing though, verses 14-21...there's a lot of powerful reasons why Christ wants to dwell in our hearts!)

I think of prayers that many Christians fervently pray, for God to cleanse them, to purify them, to renew their minds and align their hearts, and to forever change them. I can't count how many times I've asked God to have His way in my heart and to change me from the inside out so that I may be more like Christ.

What I heard very profoundly tonight was this: "Let your heart be changed!"

Maybe that doesn't have as much of an impact on you as it is having on me, or perhaps it does! Either way, the key word here, isn't "heart" or "changed"...it's LET! Let as in, allow, release, yield etc.

In my life, I have learned to recognize one particular occurrence that happens in my heart that is sure evidence to me that God is present and that He is doing a work in me. It's not a vision, or a feeling, not a voice or even a whisper. It's...a softening! That's the best way I can put it. The moments in my life when I feel most touched by God are the times when He is softening my heart.

We all know the phrase, "He is the potter, I am the clay," but I've taken a pottery class or two (definitely don't have a knack for it!), and even though I wasn't a master on the potter's wheel, I knew one thing...you don't use hard clay to make pots! It seems like I may be preaching to the choir about letting our hearts be pliable to God, but I also feel that if we truly understood the point of that message we wouldn't need to hear it as often...but we do need to hear it! At least I know I do...until I have mastered being soft, I need to continually be reminded that my heart is still too hard in places and I need to surrender those areas to God.

I also think of a good hug. There are stiff, awkward, or "casual" hugs for people who maybe don't know each other so well yet, or else it's one of those quick hello/goodbye type of hugs. But then there are those hugs that seriously have healing powers! Do you know what I mean? Have you ever cried in someones arms, maybe a close friend or family member when you really needed a deep secure place to cry? Or what about a hug from a loved one whom you haven't seen in a long while? I'm talking about the kind of hug where your entire body experiences a sense of instant comfort and security. The moment that you go from being completely tense, to completely relaxed and at peace...That's the kind of softness I'm talking about!

There are no safer arms than those of God Almighty! Nor a more comforting place to find peace and rest from your troubles.

"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men!
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." - Psalm 107:9-9

"Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free." - Psalm 118:5

...Goodnight friends!

"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."

2010-12-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

It is somewhat of an American custom to run ourselves at full steam until we dry out... Until there's nothing left in us but the ashes of burned up dreams.
We humans are so good at multitasking that we are able to juggle many things while accomplishing nothing at the same time! Eventually the balls will drop; sometimes one or two at a time, or sometimes all at once, and when they hit the ground that's when we look up at God and say, "this is not what I expected!"
I have often read about the children of God in the wilderness and thought, "why wouldn't they just listen? Why didn't they trust God?" or "what's wrong with them, they say all those miracles?" But today as I read through Hebrews 4, which also includes a quotation from Psalm 95, I realized that I'm not all that different from them!
When I come to my whit's end I find myself asking questions like:
God, why did that have to happen?
What did I do wrong?
God, why have I come this way?
Didn't I do everything I was supposed to?...This is not what I expected!

The children of God in the same way tested Moses' judgment as well as God; "why have you brought us this way? We didn't know it would be this hard! What about this...what about that? This is not what 'we' expected!"

Thank God...no really...THANK GOD for His mercy and His loving kindness! How many times did I forget to look back and remember all that God has done in my life? If I start to lose faith, or if my heart has become hardened and dis-trusting in God, it is because I have forgotten the immeasurable goodness He has shown me, and I have failed to remember the great works of His hands!

"when your fathers put me to the test and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work. For forty years I loathed that generation and said, 'They are a people who go astray in their hearts, and they have not known my ways.' Therefore I swore in my wrath, 'They shall not enter my rest." Psalm 95:9-11

God showed them His mightiness in plain sight, right before their eyes...and when things got hard in the wilderness they forgot His ways, as if those signs and wonders never happened at all! Hebrews 4 goes on to say that it was their disobedience that kept them from entering God's rest.

I've been finding myself in a season of Ecclesiastes, where everything is vanity, and everything is pointless. What is it that I've been striving for all these years? I don't know what it was to begin with, but I obviously still haven't found it yet! I did what everyone else told me I should do; I ran hard and juggled a busy schedule to accomplish all these goals and aspirations, but then I burned out and ran out of steam.

I did wearily reach the end of the track I was on, however...but to my dismay I looked, and there was nothing there! I wasn't listening! My limited little one track mind was focused so hard on my "goals," that I left God somewhere back at the station. And let me tell you, it's a long, weary, lonely and even bitter road to walk on the longer you wait to turn around and ask God to tow you back home!

I guess I'm on a train analogy for some reason tonight, but it illustrates my point very well. Our hearts can be as stubborn and single minded as a run-away train on a one-way track (which weighs up to 8,000 tons or more by the way!).

"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts." Hebrews 4:7 and Psalm 95:7-8

It takes a soft, humble heart to turn back to God when you've been going the wrong way, but I've learned that you have to let go of some things in order to do that.

"Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also.
The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.
Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!
For he is our God, and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand." Psalm 95:1-7

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
...Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:12,13 & 16

Alien in my fish tank!

2010-12-15T22:41:00.000-08:00

Meet Houdini. He is a giant golden Mystery Snail that I adopted a few months ago, and he's been the star of the show in my aquarium ever since! I love to sit and watch him as he goes about his business. Though it is only a 5 gallon aquarium, he never takes the same route twice. If you think of snails as being slow, as I did, that's not entirely true! I was so impressed the first time I put Houdini in his new home, as I watched him zip around the perimeter of the tank in under a minute.
Then he did something amazing, and at first I wasn't sure if I should say, "cool!" or "creepy!" I watched as he made his way up the glass to the top of the tank, then to my surprise he let go of the glass and glided across the top through the water! His soft body was all spread out and flowing through the water, and he also had all four of his "antenna" sticking straight out. It looked like a little alien flying around in my tank, and I'd never seen a snail do that or anything like it! He still does it every now and then. Upon further observation I have discovered that the reason behind it is actually attempting to land on the top leaves of the aquarium plants! Don't worry, he doesn't eat all my plants, just the algae that grows on them :)
I feel a tiny privilege that I get to have such a unique little creature residing in my bedroom aquarium!

Face to Face

2010-04-24T15:45:00.001-07:00

Me and my dad (written June, 2009)

Alright, I know this has been a long time coming, and I know many of you have been waiting for the full report on meeting my Dad this summer. There has been a lot for me to process, but finally your wait is over! Part 2, following this post, will be a raw look into my journal; just hours after meeting my biological father for the very first time! This post is for those of you who don't know the full story:

My dad went to prison the year I was born, in 1985. He was convicted of murder charges, among other things, and was sentenced to life without parole.

Growing up I didn't know much about him, except for a few letters here and there. As I got older though, and began asking my mom more questions, the toll of not only having an absent father, but one who was incarcerated for a brutal crime, became an even heavier weight on my shoulders. The more I learned about the kind of man he was, and the things he had done before going to prison, the more I feared him.

The letters he sent came in variations. Some were friendly, some incredibly boring (to a teenager!), and then there were some filled with cruel words and manipulation that, even though it was coming from him, still crushed my spirit so much!

Finally, there came a time in my life where I surrendered the heart he had broken to Jesus Christ, and he mended it! God revealed himself to me as my heavenly Father, who was with me all along, and had never left my side!

With my new heart, and God as my strength, I started responding to my dad's letters again, but this time with an anointing to speak truth into his life with boldness, and faith that it would make a difference.

Though my feet were now on steady ground with Christ, there was still fear ruling in my heart toward him; fears of never wanting to meet him, of what would happen if he ever somehow got out of prison, and fears of letting him get too close to my heart again. After all, he is my father. He is my father, but after all, he is a murderer!

One day while in a prayer meeting, in the year of 2006, I received a word from the Holy Spirit that my dad was going to give his life to Christ. It knocked me to the floor in tears and in praise!
Still, I had no desire to go and see him. Then, this past February 2009, God woke me up in the middle of the night asking me to go! It took me another month of wrestling, but the Lord was insistent, so finally I surrendered my fear and decided to trust and obey.
A couple of months later I received a letter from him, telling me of how in the middle of the night…in February, he poured out his heart in prayer to Jesus Christ from his prison cell and accepted Him as his Lord and Savior! He had been attending a church ministry in his sector for the last several months.
It was all the confirmation I needed to show me that God is so amazing, and that He had a much greater purpose in this than I realized! I made my plans, set a date, and recruited a few close friends to go with me.

Part Two

Journal Entry: June 18, 2009

Today I took one of the biggest steps of faith in my life, and went to see my dad face to face for the first time.

There was a battle going on in my heart; I felt great peace in knowing I was doing what God had asked me to do, but there was also great fear of what I was about to do. I still didn’t understand why I was going, or what to expect to find when I got there.

I packed my bags, jumped in the truck with my wonderful friends, and off we went. The drive was pleasant; full of delightful conversation, laughter, and beautiful scenery. It was everything I needed and more to stay uplifted and optimistic.

Then we approached the outskirts of Salem, and immediately my nerves rose up within me. As we began looking for our exit it seemed like the closer we got, the more my stomach sank and the harder my heart pounded with anxiety. My breath grew shallow and tense, and my hands went cold and stiff around the steering wheel.

The anxiety I was feeling was so intense that I could no longer stay engaged with my friends in the passenger seats as they carried on in conversation.

“Jennifer, are you ok?” Katie asked from the back seat.
“Yes, I just know we’re getting closer!” I said.

After a few times of them having to repeat entire sentences to me, seeing as how I was now in my own world, we switched the atmosphere in the truck from small talk to prayer. We prayer for God’s peace and comfort to settle my nerves and my emotions, for God’s strength to cover my weakness, for courage and boldness to replace my fear, and for Jesus to give me a heart of compassion, grace and mercy instead of anger, resentment, or bitterness.

When we got to the parking lot we gathered in a circle to pray. My heart was pounding hard by that time, and my nerves were practically shooting out through my fingers, but I knew I was supposed to be there! I felt the anointing of the Holy Spirit cover me like a cloak as my dear friends prayed over me. It felt as if each prayer was being fastened to me like a piece of armor, and as I walked toward the front door there was a sense that I was walking down a path that the Spirit of the Lord had already been down and prepared before hand! I was filled with joy, strength and anticipation with each step.

I find it so interesting that the same level of anxiety your body goes through when experiencing great fear, such as that when you’re life is being threatened, or such as having a fear of heights or small enclosed spaces, feels very much the same as being on the flip side when you are experiencing the thrill and excitement of doing something new and crazy. Doing something bold, daring, and outside your comfort zone, though it is good, gives you the same adrenaline rush as if someone were to hold a loaded gun to your head!

The Prison

The Sergeant at the front desk was incredibly kind and encouraging. He assured me that everything they did was for my complete safety through the whole process. He even phoned ahead to the police chiefs in the visiting area to tell them it was my first time visiting in a prison.

I was allowed to go in with another family. Going through the series of locked gates and corridors was a little overwhelming. We had to keep strictly to the right along the wall so that the chiefs could keep a clear view down each hall at all times, and no gate was opened until the previous gate was closed and locked behind us. The whole system stirred my fears up all over again. At this point, there was quite literally no going back!

“Are you Jennifer? We’ve been expecting you!” is the greeting I received from two large and stocky police chiefs as I entered the room. They sat me down at a visiting station; two chairs facing each other, separated by a small coffee table, right in front of the chief’s station. This had been arranged in advance as a result of the phone call the Sergeant at the front desk had made when I first came in.

The chairs were all color-coded in neat rows; red on one side for the visitors, and blue on the other for the inmates. The room was packed with inmates and their families. It was such a strange place. Here I was in a room with all these big tough men, in prison for various reasons, and all that mattered to them right then and there was their time with those they loved. I watched as they reached across the tables for the hand of their wives or girlfriends, and traded their points in so that they could hold their children for just a few minutes. Next to their families, none of these men really looked like criminals.

I spent another 45 minutes waiting for my dad. The waiting was the hardest part of it all. The longer I waited, the more nervous I became.

“What will he look like?” I thought. My mind was reeling with questions and senerios, and even though I’d never met him, and had nothing to prove to him, I still caught myself thinking, “will he like me?” or, “will he think I’m pretty?” For the first time in my life, I realized I was about to experience in person what it is like to be a father’s daughter! All the thoughts and feelings I’d missed out on and wondered about growing up, in the absence of my father, came flooding into my heart all at once. Suddenly I felt like a little girl again, and I was also suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable!

I was so nervous that my whole body felt cold and tingly. I felt as though I was about to pass out, and then I finally became aware that I’d been holding my breath without realizing it! I was so amazed at how much physical stress my body was going through all on its own, just from my emotional anxieties!

The Visit

Finally, my dad enters the room. It felt like a clip from a movie, (in comes Marvin Sherman, play dramatic music). What was so amazing to me was that as soon as he walked in, all my anxieties went away. We made eye contact, and as he acknowledged me with a smile, my fears were immediately chased away and replaced with grace and compassion toward him.

We were allowed one brief hug at the beginning of our session, a hug at the end, and to have our photo taken. I stood to greet him, and then I hugged my dad for the first time! The crazy thing about it was that as soon as we hugged, there was something in me that was telling me this hug felt familiar. Not only that, but that after all this time, after so much pain, and after so much fear, there was still a little girl in me that wanted that hug to last a whole lot longer!

That really surprised me! I originally had no intentions of getting too close to him, but once I got there, saw his face, and looked into an older pair of eyes that were just like mine, everything changed!

The man that I saw sitting in front of me wasn’t a big scary criminal convicted of murder. He was just a man; a lowly, timid, broken man, who was burdened with such a heavy weight of guilt, shame, and regret. His embrace as we hugged was tight, but full of trembling, and it was then I realized that he was feeling just as fragile and vulnerable as I was!

I also realized that God was putting me in a powerful position over him, where I had the freedom to choose whether I was going to take advantage of his vulnerable state and possibly crush him, or to show him the incredible Grace of God that was and is continually shown to me. It was like God was saying, “look at what I am holding, and see how tenderly he is cradled in my hands…please, don’t break him!”

We made small talk at first, and the entire time he kept averting his eyes away from looking at me directly. The longest he would maintain eye-contact with me was no more than two or three seconds at a time. His demeanor was more like that of a child, rather than an adult, only this “child” was full of shame, and automatically took a self-assuming position of inferiority to me.

I just wanted to listen at first, so I waited patiently for him to find the words he was trying to say. He pointed out that I had his eyes, and spoke of how the last time he saw my I was only a tiny little baby. I asked about the rest of the family, and then our conversation took a huge shift.

He began to ask about why he was so bad, and what he had done that no one wanted to have anything to do with him anymore. He started delving into the things of the past, but before he could go any further I stopped him and said, “that’s not why I came!”

He looked at me slightly puzzled and responded with, “well then why did you come?”

“I came just because I wanted to meet you!” I replied, looking him square in the eyes.

Then, like a shy little child, his face lit up and he smiled at me, almost as if to say, “really?”

At that moment I felt a flood of great compassion for him rushing in and welling up inside me. It was more compassion than I can recall ever feeling in my whole life for anyone, and it was all coming straight from heaven! It was as if the Holy Spirit had been hovering over me the whole time, and then at that very moment fell upon me and took over from there.

We started talking about God and the Bible, and he shared with me about the Bible studies he’d been attending every week. I was actually amazed at how much scripture he not only knew, but understood! Then I was able to speak life into him from everything that God had taught me.

Apparently, some people were telling him that he could not be fully saved until he was baptized, and that he couldn’t be baptized until he got out of prison. My heart sank with sadness when he told me that. He was obviously greatly troubled by it, and with good reason! My dad was sentenced to life without parole, which means these people were basically telling him he could never really be saved!

Oh, but that’s just the open door God was giving me, complete with flashing lights and confetti (at least that’s how it felt!), to tell him the glorious truth about Jesus Christ! I assured him that since he confessed his sins and invited Jesus to be the Lord over his life, that he was indeed 100% saved and redeemed.

“You could baptize your-self with a cup of water in your cell if you have to!” I said with a smile. “Baptism is about a matter of your heart, not the physical act itself. The Bible says that all who call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ shall be saved. Baptism is just a symbol of you crucifying your old sinful self with Christ on the cross, and rising again, through the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, as a new person.”

I was simply quoting scripture, but each time I went over it with him I saw new hope in his eyes, like I could literally see him being revived in his heart right there in front of me. What a beautiful sight it was indeed!

He then told me that he felt lighter, like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. If that in itself is not enough evidence of the real and mighty hand of God at work, I don’t know what is!

He proceeded to tell me that since he’d started believing in God he was happier, and life in prison even seemed a little easier than it was before. God had suddenly been answering all his prayers…all but one.

“The last prayer I was waiting on was you!” He said.

We talked a little while longer, and then as we said good bye we stood and hugged again. When we turned to part ways, I watched as he took the picture we’d just taken together, and tucked it gently into his front pocket, right next to his heart!

Habikuk 3:17-19

2009-01-30T12:54:00.000-08:00

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there is no fruit on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will triumph in the Lord; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!

For the choir director: on stringed instruments.

Yahweh my Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights!

To all my single lady friends! A new and improved post just for you!

2009-01-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

This Christmas season for me marked 4 years of single life, and though I certainly do not wish to do it forever, waiting on love has proven to be a most wonderful thing.

I fully agree that it can drive you crazy at times, and I have spent plenty of time in the slammer of loneliness and longing. The only difference between an insane asylum and desire, in my opinion, is that the insane asylum provides the padded room and straight jacket to keep you from hurting yourself!

In these 4 years I've found that waiting really does build character. I feel that God has transformed me into a whole new woman. I look in the mirror today, and what once was a reflection of insecurity, timidness, regret, hurt, and pride; is now a reflection of confidence, radiance, love, passion, and a resemblance that is looking more and more like Jesus.

All of the credit for this goes solely to my period of waiting, not for a man, but for God to finish his work in me. When God gives me these glimpses of what he's doing in me, it's then that I realize that he's designing the wife my husband is praying for!

It's a truly amazing thing to watch God change you and mature you, because in those moments he's letting you see a little bit of how he's planning on answering someone else's prayers through you. So now, instead of longing for a husband, I have realized my God-given longing to be some one's wife...some one's answered prayer!

God has placed a calling on my life to be a wife and a mother in a world where wives are no longer held accountable to the standards of honor and integrity before God. To be a pillar for my family while the world says it's ok for wives to be bulldozers!

By embracing this season of waiting I get to show God that I am refusing to compromise for anything less than His best for my life, but also, that I refuse to compromise myself for anything less than God's best for my future husband!
That puts a big challenge on my part to step up and become the woman my husband will need me to be. It also takes selfishness out of my prayer life, because instead of only praying for my needs to be met in a godly husband, I'm praying for God to do what He needs to do in me to fulfill the needs of my husband in a godly wife. And I'm praying for Him to do all that NOW, while I'm waiting...while I'm a wife under construction! That when my future spouse comes to pursue me, a hard hat will not be required!!

So what's so bad about "testing the waters"? What's so important about "saving" myself anyway?

Why not?

Why not dilly dally with crushes, flirting, and casual dating?
It's not really hurting anyone is it? It's just harmless fun until you find the right person, isn't it?

During these 4yrs God has had to help me let go of some old memories of past relationships. He showed me that what I wanted in a husband was being fabricated by comparing every guy I'd ever dated. Honestly, I don't want my husband to be comparable to anyone I've ever even known! And I'm pretty sure he won't appreciate me using a measuring stick that has a bunch of other guy's names on it!

I've learned that dating is not what tells me who I am, but rather what I am not! All of my time and effort was being wasted on trying to be what someone else wanted me to be. I was also trying to make him play or roll in my own fantasy of what I thought romance should be. Then one day I stood up and asked myself if being dragged through the dirt and having to pick myself up again after every guy I dated who wasn’t right for me was really benefiting me as much as I thought. Is it really worth it? Though it made me feel good and significant for a time, the more I learned about who I am not, the less I realized I knew about who I am, and the woman God designed me to be.

This is when I decided that being led on by the “what if’s” and “what could be’s” in life was distracting me from seeing the what IS and what should be. God has his own ideas as to what my romance story should look like, and it starts with living out my romance story with Him first. Then he pours things into my heart that someday He will use to bless the man He brings into my life.

My romance reserves are locked away and guarded carefully for only one man. God is filling those reserves with love, passion, excitement, fulfillment, desire, commitment, loyalty, gifts and talents, dreams and visions, motherhood, and all kinds of treasures and they are designed and designated for ONE man!
And, He is building these things up to a climax. Like a great novel building up in intensity and suspense that compels you to turn the page and find out what happens next.

God wants us to live out the romance story He has already written for us.
I also think of a jar of fruit preserves when I think of the importance of waiting for romance. Once you pop the seal you have to make the most of the whole jar, or else it goes bad! If you give your spouse a jar that's been opened a time or two already, there's a good chance that what you're giving him has grown some mold! But if that seal is protected, unbroken, and saved for a special occasion, then everything inside remains well preserved. And when your spouse opens it, it will be fresh and full for him to enjoy every drop. And guess what? If you are faithful to guard the treasure God is preserving in you for your spouse, He will be faithful to make sure you get a jar too! Fully preserved, un-tampered with, and filled to the brim with satisfaction. So keep those English muffins handy!

Sure, I could probably find someone and fabricate a love life that fits what I think it should be, but honestly, I think that the only man I could ever fully trust to love me and remain faithful to our marriage, our children and to his faith and devotion to God is the one man that God himself chooses! If I truly trust in the Lord alone, then I can trust the man He brings into my life with all my heart, and with absolutely no fear! You cannot control another person’s heart, so the only way you will have a solid marriage is if that person’s heart is governed by the Lord who is ever faithful and good.

God is really willing to give you a life of romance, but sometimes he waits to see if you’re really willing to hold out for the greatest romance you could have never imagined, or will you continue to compromise for what is most convenient?

God can use this time in your single life to teach you to be faithful to your spouse even before you know their name! Then when the time comes, that strength will be built-in to who you are, and your marriage will be one that laughs in the face of trial and hardship. A marriage ordered and ordained by the Lord, and it will be a part of God’s plan to restore his design of family in the Church.

What are your thoughts? Did I leave anything out? What else makes the waiting season worth doing well?

Waiting for God's best, in me, through me, and for me!
-Jennifer

The demanding life of discipleship

2009-01-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

"Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more"- Luke 12:48

With much comes much responsibility, of which there is no room for compromise in the eyes of the Lord.

What is it that you are praying for?
Wisdom, blessing, a fruitful ministry, anointing to lead a group of people, or even for a spouse or for children. These kinds of prayers can send us in tails spins of faith, followed by questioning and doubt when they aren't answered the way we think they should be.

I have come to realize that everything I pray for; even for someone I know to come to Christ, comes with a price tag of responsibility on my part.

There's no doubt that God wants to answer our prayers, and use us in powerful ways for his kingdom, but if he's going to entrust his power, authority, anointing, and blessings to us, sometimes the delay comes from him waiting for us to be able to hold up under the weight.

The more God gives me in life, the more of my life he will require for his own purposes. So if I am praying for someone's salvation, or the fruitfulness of a ministry I am leading, I have to be prepared to give of myself what is required. I have to be prepared to give my time, compassion, and knowledge of God's word to disciple the person I was praying for once they come to Christ.

If God brings fruit to my ministry, I must be prepared for the demands of growing pains. If God is entrusting me to have influence over people, I am responsible for conducting myself and applying my abilities whole heartedly in way that will not cause those people to stumble. So whatever I pray for, I must be willing to allow God to require what is needed of me for that prayer to be fully answered. Then, when I am found lacking, as long as my heart is submitted in humility...that's when the supernatural stuff starts to happen!!

"Therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."- Luke 14:33

Sometimes what you're willing to sacrifice of your own life is the determining factor for what you should be brave enough to pray for!

Giving without expecting

2009-01-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” –Luke 6:35-36

I think that this has always been a hard word to chew on, but none the less, it is the word of God.

So how would this scripture play out in our lives in this day and age? What enemies are we to love?

One thing that comes to mind is how many of us often feel unappreciated in ministry. We work and serve away our social lives, and somewhere down the road expect a bus of gratitude, praise, or at least some kind of recognition to come pick us up and take us on tour.

I am not of course saying that the people we are in ministry with are our enemies! What I am saying is that this is a huge blind spot the enemy uses to his benefit if we are not careful to keep our own hearts in check in every circumstance.

Another person’s failure to give recognition, whether it is or isn’t deserved, should not in anyway determine what we give of ourselves in ministry.

“do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.”

Being effective in any ministry has entirely to do with the condition of your heart, for it will always give you an honest evaluation of whom you are really serving! We ask God to use us as his vessels, but He can’t do that if we keep filling ourselves with bitterness, resentment, jealousy, un-forgiveness, or even just a lack of mercy or compassion toward someone. However small, or seemingly traceless these things in our hearts give us the verdict of “unclean vessel” before God.

At a restaurant, if your water glass is dirty you send it back and ask for a clean one. If God wants to use you to pour into someone’s life, he’s going to want your glass to be clean, because he doesn’t want the pure things He has to give to be mixed or contaminated with something in us that isn’t clean. That’s where confusion and false doctrine comes from!

If we really are serving and living only to please God, then we have no right to demand honor of any kind for our efforts, because God is the one who must always get the glory.

I believe this has a major part to play in us becoming a united church body; to serve each other without expecting anything in return. That when even our own brothers and sisters make us feel discouraged, that we are quick to love them and show them mercy and forgiveness, and so bring honor to God, and prevent bitterness from taking root…in any form.

We are all flawed. Every one of us has the potential to be someone else’s enemy, even unintentionally! Simple misunderstandings; or even just misreading someone’s tone of voice or body language are things we must be on the lookout for, lest we trip and fall into great division.

God is compassionate, merciful, loving and kind. He is patient, slow to anger, and quick to forgive. He reveals Himself to us in these ways for the purpose of teaching us to fall in line accordingly. These are pieces of our character that must be built up if we are to really look more like Him to the rest of the world.

This has been a challenge to me; to take a deep and accurate look at the condition of my heart while I'm serving in ministry. Am I truly serving God, and fully committed to doing my part to keep division out? Or, are my hurt feelings leaving cracks open for the enemy to get in?

“Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”-Luke 6:38 (ESV)

Love covers a multitude of sins…especially within the Church

Commited to giving more, and expecting less
-Jennifer

USA vs. Lachish

2009-01-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Idolatry, shedding of innocent blood, sexual immorality, oppression of the poor, gluttony, these are all sins of a culture that was condemned to complete and brutal destruction in ancient Judah.

Lachish was a fortified city in southern Judah. The city was a fortress guarding the road to Jerusalem between the Mediterranean Sea to the West, and the Mountain terrain to the East. It was said that if Lachish stood, Jerusalem would stand, and if Lachish fell, Jerusalem would also fall.

The Bible records Israel’s capture of Lachish from the Canaanites in the book of Joshua during the Late Bronze Age. It was a chapter in Israel’s pursuit of the land God had promised them when he brought them out of Egypt.

During their sieges in the surrounding territories, five kings, including king Japhia of Lachish, joined together in forces and came against Gibeon, who had made peace with Israel, so Joshua brought his army to their defense. Scripture records that after Joshua had defeated them, he had the five kings executed and hung on five trees until evening.

2 Kings Chapter 17 indicates, however, that the customs of the pagan nations that the Lord had driven out were heavily infiltrated into the practices of the people of Israel.
Lachish became a city known for its worship of Baal, practices in fertility rituals, and the sacrificing of their own sons and daughters upon altars built to foreign gods.

Archaeology excavations; first done in 1929, then in 1932-1938, and again in 1973-1987, uncovered evidence such as shrines and altars of Baal worship within family dwellings.

During the reign of King Hezekiah (around 701 B.C.), God poured out his judgment upon Judah for their sins by sending in the Assyrians, who at that time were the most feared of all armies, and are still known as one of the most brutal nations in history. Lachish, along with the city Ai, was thought to be the last of the fortified cities to fall on the southern front of Judah.

Remnants dating back to this single invasion include 1,000 iron arrowheads found within the city walls, piles of large sling stones from the catapults, and a chain to a battering ram. The site shows evidence of such fierce burning and thorough destruction that it left behind layers of ashes up to three feet thick, and 1,500 bodies were found, thrown into a single common tomb after being burned.

The cruelty of the Assyrians against Lachish was even recorded in great detail by the Assyrian king, Sennacherib, in what is known as a freeze, which was carved into a wall in his palace at Nineveh. It shows his great triumph and humiliation of Lachish by cutting off their heads, noses, and limbs. People were impaled upon the ends of tall sharp stakes and hung for display, and the few that were taken as captives were tortured and led away with rings through their lips and sacks over their heads.

Although Lachish was later rebuilt, it was to be retaken and destroyed by King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon (around 586 B.C.), sending all of Israel into exile once again.

This is one of many examples God uses to show that when his people do not keep his statutes, and obey his commandments that it brings his wrath and judgment upon their heads. In the city of Lachish, evidence was also found of homes where families did not worship Baal, and were even shown to have an allegiance to God alone, and even they were given over along with the culture in which they lived.

Lachish is no doubt a sad story, but how does today’s culture in the United States compare? One could conclude that we are much more civilized now than people were in ancient times, but I would beg to differ.

In the United States, it would be considered against the law to sacrifice a child on an altar to the gods, yet millions of innocent lives are still destroyed every year by abortion, and it is justified by a woman’s “right” to choose. Death by impalement would surely be protested today as being cruel and inhumane, while plunging a tube through the back of an infant’s skull in the act of partial-birth abortion is left to open debate!

Our society cracks down on criminals, and shakes righteous fists at injustice in the courts, yet violence and sexual immorality are infiltrated into movies, video games, and internet pornography, so no matter how much more civilized we think we are, we’ve only found more justifiable ways of committing the same sins!

In a nation where we are more humane in the execution of our criminals, rapists and murders alike, than we are in preserving the lives of our children, and a nation that freely and rampantly promotes living a life of whatever feels good, can we honestly say that we are any better than they were?

How then do you affect an entire culture for the name of Christ? To me this is an overwhelming thing to ponder!

I have to admit that in these times I've been afraid of America's fate. Is God about to expose the wickedness that has been there all along, festering beneath the surface? The sin God expressed the most anger over in 2 Kings 17 was the hidden sin! Sins such as those our culture weaves into all forms of media that every American sees thousands of times per day!

How does it seem that ignorance is prevailing in every direction? Why are people willing to trade a human life for a few tax breaks? I find it so hard to understand why people are so easily deceived when the facts are in plain view, and it makes me wonder if I will live to see the day when this Nation destroys its-self with "liberty". They seem to go out of their way to call Christians bigots at the expense of their own integrity!

God’s word says that love covers a multitude of sin. Is our "right" to be religiously offended clouding out our ability to cover a multitude of sins with the Love of Christ? Are we affecting our culture, or facing the same judgment along with them?

Our world is headed for destruction, and maybe we can’t change that, but maybe God isn't focused on the sin, and maybe He’s not asking us to either! He knows it's there; he's just looking for his kids!

Jesus Christ has saved them by his blood, and he is sending us out to get them. He took our punishment upon himself and redeemed us, so what if all he is asking is for us to run through a few fires for our brothers and sisters?

Changing the world to me doesn't only mean making it a better place! I’m not sure it can be made better, if only for a short time, because it is condemned by God; marked for annihilation! Changing the world means going out and grabbing as many people as I can on my way out of this place!

Perhaps the reason why God’s faithful ones died alongside the sinners at Lachish is simply because they failed to reach out, and because their lights failed to shine in the midst of their dark culture!

We pass them every day; walking by hundreds of people without even contemplating sharing Christ with them, or even just extending a friendly gesture as simple as “hello, how are you?”

In battle terms, they are the ones wounded on the ground, and we are the ones with the sword in our hands that can stop the enemy from finishing them off!

There was a time in my life when life itself had taken its toll on me; a time when I was about to be finished off by the weight of the enemy's schemes. My hope was gone, and I honestly didn't believe anyone would know or care that I was gone.

God sent someone into my life to stop the final blow! He sent someone to show me that they cared whether I lived or died.

In reflection, how many finally blows have I or have I not stopped? What about you? How many times have you thought, “someone else will share Christ with that person?” But, what if no one else ever gets the chance?

What if the window for that person to receive Christ was as small as the time it took for you to pass them on the street?

What if your opportunity to change a culture is as simple as trading hypocrisy and criticism for the true, pure, and compassionate love of Christ?

The story of Lachish goes on to Jerusalem. King Sennacherib of the Assyrians marches against the holy city, but, King Hezekiah does what is pleasing in the Lord’s sight, and 185,000 Assyrian soldiers were struck down by an angel of the Lord that night!

It was this same proud king, who just hours before had been ranting and blaspheming the name of God to the people of Judah saying, “In whom do you now trust?”

So, in the face of a massive and ruthless adversary, in whom do we trust to deliver us? And when will we take what is declared on our dollar bills and declare it whole-heartedly by the way that we live?

There’s no telling what the future will bring for our Nation, but I don’t trust in the United States of America! I trust in the Lord God Almighty! The Great I Am who promises to never leave us or forsake us.

“Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you….Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:3-9

I took some time to listen, and here is what I heard.

2009-01-02T09:50:00.000-08:00

God has never been a big fan of treading water! He often makes us wait, and He asks us to trust in Him when we do not understand, but our Father would sooner part the seas before watching His people drown in hopelessness! Is. 43 says that the waters will not over take you, and the fires will not burn you, but you have to walk through it first for it to be true! We are all facing obstacles in our lives, but He promises us that if we walk through them in faith, that those obstacles are not a factor in God’s plan to fulfill his purposes in our lives, and his purposes on this earth.

What I keep hearing from the Lord in my prayer times is that He is parting the seas for us! He’s clearing the way, and in the face on our adversary, He is telling us to go and over come the odds.

In the last few weeks I’ve had several conversations with people who have been hearing the exact same words and seeing the same visions as I have, and discovered that our journal entries are very much tied together and confirming those words. That tells me that this is the year when the Body of Christ is finally hearing the voice of their shepherd clearly and universally throughout all its members. I don’t know if it’s because God is speaking louder, or if we are just in a better place as a whole to hear what He’s always been saying, either way friends, He is speaking and we are listening…and that is truly a very exciting and awesome thing!

God has made himself more real to me in the last few weeks than what I’ve been able to understand my whole life! I’ve seen people walk into a church service that I never thought I’d see again, much less at church! I even went bowling with an old friend I use to get high with back in middle school, and just the fact that she was clean and sober was a miracle in itself! Prayers that have been prayed and warred over for YEARS are being answered just like that! And they seem to almost be happening in a specific order, if you think about it, according to His perfect plan!

Sure, there are a lot of hard things going on right here in Bend and within our churches, but I was at Emerge last night, and what I saw was a deep and profound movement of the Holy Spirit within every heart! What I saw was hope, renewed courage, faith, uplifting of one another, and a stirring of spirit like I’ve never seen before.

I myself have been facing one of the hardest years of my life with my family. There are heart-breaking things going on that I cannot change or fix, but what God has done in my heart through the whole process is almost unbelievable! I have more love, more compassion, more mercy and grace in my heart than I ever thought I could have. Not just for my family, but for all my brothers and sisters in Christ, all of you that is, and for the lost and hurting people in our world who still need Christ. I also feel like God has given me completely new eyes all together. It’s kind of funny, because unfortunately my physical eyes have gotten a bit hazy this year to the point of sometimes needing to wear glasses, but I believe God is using that to show me how much He does not conform to human limitations, and his power to work in my life does not fade, dim, or ever get hazy. His intentions for me and for the rest of the world are quite clear, to prosper us and not to harm us, and to give us a future and a hope!

I wanted to encourage you today. If you feel like you are drowning, set your feet upon the rock of Jesus Christ, and watch Him part the seas for you! He sends us into deserts, calls us through storms, and petitions us to persevere, but in doing so He never once said that the ground we would be walking on would be un-sturdy! If your steps feel shaky, check to see what ground you are walking on, for we are promised that upon His firm foundation we cannot be shaken, and He will not let us fall. (Ps. 121)

This is indeed the year of joy; because this is the year we will all be rejoicing in the real hope we have in a real Savior! We will be rejoicing over the awesome things our God does; the incredible, unbelievable, impossible things that He will do that no one can deny or explain away!!

I loved Cassie’s status update last night, “tell someone, plunder hell make the gates shake!” Thanks Casey for that awesome song!

Our enemy is MAD!!! I can tell as well as any of you can, but that’s a good thing!:) He’s on his way down, we all know how this is going to end, but he’s still going to take as many down with him as he can. This is the year of joy, but this is also the year when we must stand together like never before! To show mercy and grace to each other in the church as well as to those we are trying to reach for Christ.

Matt. 18:15; Heb. 12:15; Rom. 15:1; 1 Thess. 5:14; Gal. 6:1; Heb. 2:18; Luke 17:3-4. The word of God speaks for itself! I would encourage you all to read these scriptures and put them in your hearts. God has used them to conform my own heart to obey His.

We are commanded to bear one another’s burdens, and just so you know, Jesus did not give us permission to give up on ANYONE!!! We are not allowed to leave anyone behind, because the Body of Christ was designed to hold on to each other. When someone falls, we are to pick them up. When YOU fall WE are to pick YOU up!!!! We are commanded to forgive each other, as Christ has forgiven us. If a person falls into sin, we are not to write them off and leave them to fend for themselves! Love covers a multitude of sin, so the answer to someone’s struggle with sin is not judgment, or criticism, or shunning them, the answer is to show them love and grace. Yes, it is important give correction where it is needed, but godly correction is NEVER to be used for tearing down. We are to correct…and then LIFT THEM UP! Lift them up out of the sin and covering that sin…never to be seen again, with the love of Christ, just as your own sins have been covered and forgiven.

I must tell you friends, that before I came to Christ I used my flaws, my addictions, my swearing, my “she looks like she belongs in counseling or jail” appearance to prove my case against you Christians that you were all hypocrites! I used my own bonds to prove that no one saw the pain I was in because no one cared to look past what they saw on the outside! It was only until God brought someone into my life that CHOSE to see past my baggy clothes and spike collars, and chose to see what God saw that I was able to finally understand the real love of Christ! Once I knew that Christ saw ME, and accepted me, He took those bonds off and I left them off! I knew I was living in sin. I absolutely knew I was destroying my life, but why should I care if I didn’t believe anyone else cared? If I didn’t even believe God cared because of how people treated me?

Here is what I see now: Us, the Church, banning together, every person united, regardless of how they dress, how they talk, or what movies they watch, singing and shouting praises of Joy to our King, and adding new people to our family daily as the people in Acts did….and then some!!

I am reporting for duty! I am willing to bear your burdens! I am willing to love you, and show you grace; to cry and laugh with you, and stand in warfare for your life with you. I am willing…because I am ready to see God’s promises fulfilled in the Church. What are you ready for and what are you willing to do to see it happen?

Shinning into 2009

2008-12-30T11:54:00.000-08:00

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."~John 9:5

When I was growing up, we lived in a house that was over-shadowed by the two-story apartments behind us. Every night for 16yrs I would lay in bed with my thoughts synchronized to the rhythm of my neighbors' lights being turned on, and off, and on, and off, and so on. I didn't have blinds for a long time(the ones I had broke), so the effects where the equivalent of a full on strobe light party in my bedroom into all hours of the night. You are probably concluding right about now that, "this girl didn't get much sleep for those 16yrs!" Ya, I didn't!

Anyway, looking back at all those nights of watching my bedroom walls light up, and trying to trace each shadow back to its original source, got me to thinking. I realize now that my neighbors had no idea that their OCD light switch compulsions were in fact robbing me of my beauty rest. Their intentions were simply to turn on the lights in their own world; never to know how their light was affecting someone else's darkness.

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world!" What a powerful statement! And how wonderful is it that when Jesus ascended into heaven, he didn't leave us in the dark! Instead, this now becomes OUR statement! As long as we are in the world, we are the light of the world. The cool thing about light, is that there is no darkness that can escape it.

Light=hope, light=refuge, light=guidance. Friends, let us shine our light of Christ brightly in every circumstance; you could chase away someones darkness without ever knowing it...as long as you are in the world, and you are shinning!

P.S. May this post encourage you to be more considerate about putting on strobe parties in other people's bedrooms, if you happen to be one of those two-storied-dwelling-people that is!:) And yes, I do now have blinds!

This is a post from this same time last year, and I think it is a good reminder of all that God has done!

2008-12-19T10:55:00.000-08:00

"Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:1-5~

I have come to this new place in my life where I can see that I am bearing much fruit. The Lord has been blessing me so abundantly with so much opportunity and success in everything I put my hands to.

A lot of the things I was praying for these past two years have been graciously answered beyond my expectations, and I am in awe as I watch the visions God gave me and the words he spoke over me unfold before my feet just as he said they would.

I have been given so much more than I asked for, but this season of prosperity I am in is not how I thought it would be. He has changed me through the process, and I find myself with all new struggles. I am full of joy and excitement for what is ahead, and at the same time I feel the discomfort of being pruned and shaped from the inside out.

My circumstances have changed, but more than that, my heart has been completely changed. The way that I think has completely changed, and I personally cannot take any credit for it.

A lot of people focus on the part that says " ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." (John 15:7) including myself, but what it says before that is that if you want to bear more fruit you must be pruned!

I have to admit, that I haven't always believed that what I was praying for would ever be answered. I believed God could do anything, but a part of me was never convinced that He would do it for me. I sort of thought I would only see Him do it for everyone else...and honestly, I think it was a cop-out so I could stay where I was comfortable!

He revealed to me that I was not giving Him my whole heart, so my heart went wild with pride, fear, doubt, and complacency, and He could not prune it out because I was not letting Him. I waisted so much time wondering why I could not change myself; why I could not just be different; why I could not grow anymore.

A professional gardener can take his sheers to a tree or a shrub, and make it look beautiful, all while encouraging it to grow up, thus, clearing the walk way it was blocking before. But someone with no experience tries to go and do the same thing, and butchers the the poor thing, and it almost hurts just to look at it!

God wants to trim off the bad branches, clear my path, encourage me to grow taller and fuller, and make me look beautiful. Instead, I take the sheers and either butcher myself, or just let myself grow wild and out of control, not to mention I'm blocking my own path! Well, I finally gave Him the sheers.

Though it is uncomfortable during the process, I feel more beautiful now than I ever have. I feel clean and fresh, and closer to my Lord. When I look ahead, I see challenges, but I am not discouraged. I just take a deep breath and... Abide in Him!

I know there will still be stretching to do, and times for the need of endurance, but I also know that I can Trust in Him that I will reach the other side in better condition than when I started.

"By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples." ~John 15:8

Christmas will be different this year!

2008-12-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

Christmas will be different this year, that's for sure,
my family is not the same as it was before.

No Christmas cheer, or laughter in the air,
Peace, hope, joy and love have been replaced by despair.

It's hard to say what the next few weeks will bring,
having a Merry Christmas seems like such an unlikely thing.

In spite of the sadness of how things appear,
I've reason to hope, and no need to fear.

For Jesus is Lord, and mighty to save,
He is loving and faithful, and He'll make a way!

Traditions change, and though it's hard to let go,
new season are sure to arrive with blessings in tow.

As bad as things seem in the eyes of uncertainty,
My God is ALWAYS good to me!

Prayers are filling up heaven's bowls,

and if I wait for the out-pour,
Christmas will be different this year, that's for sure!

Just a quick update

2008-12-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted any photos in a while.

As far as what I'm up to here ya go:

1. I've lost a total of 28lbs!! I feel great and I am reaching my goals...its very exciting

2. I got a new promotion at work and that is going very well.

3. Some neat things are happening in my family as a result of years of praying, crying, believing, and praying some more! Thank you to everyone who has been praying for my family!! I'm also learning not to underestimate the little things...because they really do add up to big miracles!!

4. Jesus Christ is my favorite person ever! He has done things in my life that are making me smile uncontrollably. More to come soon....But God is good, So good so good!

Blessings :)

Dating, Dare I venture?

2008-11-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

There have been quite a few of these kinds of posts popping up on people's blogs lately, so I thought I'd put in my own 2 cents for what it's worth.

First of all, before reading on, please note that I do not claim in any way to be an expert in this category, but I do claim that I have in fact done my homework! This post is simply for the purpose of throwing out some things God has imparted to me that have made this area of my life quite rock solid.

Now when I say rock solid, I do not mean perfect. If you've ever looked at a rock, they usually are not in any perfect shape. They are lumpy, dented, lop-sided, sometimes jagged, and sometimes smooth, but they all have one thing in common...they are solid, and able to hold up under a lot of pressure.

My views on dating are simply made up of a few rocks that God has put in my path for me to stand on. So if you stumble across one that sticks out to you while reading this, please, don't be angry with me for scraping your knee a little! Instead take it with you and place it on your own path. Then the next time you come across it just remember to step up, or else it will trip you up every time!

This Christmas season for me marks 4 years of single life, and though I certainly do not wish to do it forever, waiting on love has proven to be a most wonderful thing.

I fully agree that can drive you crazy at times, and I have spent plenty of time in the slammer of loneliness and longing. The only difference between an insane asylum and desire, in my opinion, is that the insane asylum provides the padded room and straight jacket to keep you from hurting yourself!

In these 4 years I've found that waiting really does build character, and feel that God has transformed me into a whole new woman. I look in the mirror today, and what once was a reflection of insecurity, timidness, regret, hurt, and pride; is now a reflection of confidence, radiance, love, passion, and a resemblance that is looking more and more like Jesus.

All of the credit for this goes solely to my period of waiting, not for a man, but for God to finish his work in me. When God gives me these glimpses of what he's doing in me, it's then that I realize that he's designing the wife my husband is praying for!

It's a truly amazing thing to watch God change you and mature you, because in those moments he's letting you see a little bit of how he's planning on answering someone else's prayers through you (and it's suppose to be a surprise, so don't blow it!). So now, instead of longing for a husband, I have realized my God-given longing to be some one's wife...some one's answered prayer!

God has placed a calling on my life to be a wife and a mother in a world where wives are no longer held accountable to the standards of honor and integrity before God. To be a pillar for my family while the world says it's ok for wives to be bulldozers!

By embracing this season of waiting I get to show God that I am refusing to compromise for anything less than His best for my life, but also, that I refuse to compromise myself for anything less than God's best for my future husband!

That puts a big challenge on my part to step up and become the woman my husband will need me to be. It also takes selfishness out of my prayer life, because instead of only praying for my needs to be met in a godly husband, I'm praying for God to do what He needs to do in me to fulfill the needs of my husband in a godly wife. And I'm praying for Him to do all that NOW, while I'm waiting...while I'm a wife under construction! That when my future spouse comes to pursue me, a hard hat will not be required!!

So what's so bad about "testing the waters"? What's so important about "saving" myself anyway?

Why not?

Why not dilly dally with crushes and flirting and stuff like that?

It's not really hurting anyone is it? It's just harmless fun until you find the right person, isn't it?

I'm not here to try to change anyone's opinions about this, but I think that if it really is going to be done right, then it's only going to happen once, with one person, in God's perfect timing.

During these 4yrs God has had to help me let go of some old memories of past relationships. He showed me that what I wanted in a husband was being fabricated by comparing every guy I'd ever dated. Honestly, I don't want my husband to be comparable to anyone I've ever even known! And I'm pretty sure he won't appreciate me using a measuring stick that has a bunch of other guy's names on it!

I also don't ever...EVER want to enter a dating or marriage relationship wondering what might have happened with the other guy, because I don't want there to even be an "other guy"! Yuk!

My romance reserves are locked away and guarded carefully for only one man. God is filling those reserves with love, passion, excitement, fulfillment, desire, commitment, loyalty, gifts and talents, dreams and visions, motherhood, and all kinds of treasures and they are designed and designated for ONE man!

And, He is building these things up to a climax. Like a joke that builds up to a punchline. Or a novel building up in intensity and suspense that compels you to turn the page and find out what happens next.

The climax comes at just the right time! If you tell it too soon, it ruins the whole story; if you wait too long, the reader loses interest, but when told at just the right time it brings great satisfaction. Those are the stories you remember for a lifetime! The one's you tell your kids about someday(like when they ask how you and daddy first met!). They stay with you, and you refer back to them over and over.

God wants us to live out the romance story He has already written for us.

I also think of a jar of fruit preserves when I think of the importance of waiting for romance. Once you pop the seal you have to make the most of the whole jar, or else it goes bad! If you give your spouse a jar that's been opened a time or two already, there's a good chance that what you're giving him has grown some mold! But if that seal is protected, unbroken, and saved for a special occasion, then everything inside remains well preserved. And when your spouse opens it, it will be fresh and full for him to enjoy every drop. (And you know what they say,"the way to a man's heart is through his stomach!"hehehe, I just couldn't resist:) And guess what? If you are faithful to guard the treasure God is preserving in you for your spouse, He will be faithful to make sure you get a jar too! Fully preserved, un-tampered with, and filled to the brim with satisfaction. So keep those English muffins handy!

What are your thoughts? Did I leave anything out? What else makes the waiting season worth doing well?

Waiting for God's best, in me, through me, and for me!

-Jennifer

Life's Flat Tires

2008-11-06T13:02:00.000-08:00

Flat tires are fun! I experienced my first one yesterday, on my own car any way. I was then reminded of all the moments up to this point when I wondered what a flat tire would be like. Not that I dreamed of or wished for it to happen, rather, that is was a regular concern of mine of how it would affect my life if and when it did happen. I’ve often found myself paranoid about the idea of a flat tire, especially while driving on my stylish, yet nerve wrecking low profile racing tires and chrome rims. These came with the car upon receiving it, and though they look cool, and earn me a wide variety of compliments and envy (and guys annoyingly wanting to race me at every intersection!), they are not at all practical! They fill my heart with fear, dread, and doubt at the approach of every pump and pothole, and the low tread proves my car to prefer water skiing over traction on rainy days!
I am not a street racer, nor do I have any desire to be. Having a cute little red car with a hot spoiler on the back usually keeps me pretty content. So what do I need these racing tires for anyway? I’ve been asking this question for 2 years, and at the same time wondering why no one wants to buy them! Yes, I do realize this may be an oxymoron way of thinking!
All my questions and doubts about the trustworthiness of low profile tires have at last been put to rest! As well as my irrational fears of them been made rational!
As far as my pondering of the effects of flat tires on a human life; I now have this experience to help me with my hypothesis.
There was no loud explosion; no chunks of rubber flying through the air; no sparks bouncing off the pavement; and certainly no crashing to my tragic and untimely death! Sorry guys, no inspiration for a thriller movie there!
I have yet to find out if my driving skills could measure up to the challenging threat of a front tire blow out on the hwy. As disappointing as that is, I am at least glad to not be faced with the contrary if my skills were in fact lacking. Instead I am thankful that is was a back tire, which gave me some comfort in discovering that back tire blow outs, in this case, are not so bad. Instead of complete terror and ciaos, it was more like one tire going over the train tracks for the rest of your life! Or, at least until I pulled over.
Long story short, I made it to Les Schwab and they put on my spare for me, as that tire was beyond all help and is now RIP! Today little Suzie Que is happily getting her snow tires put on so that she no longer has to live with the embarrassment of being seen wearing a donut tire!
You probably saw this coming, but there is also a spiritual application to this story.
During this experience, there were many moments when I found myself getting very stressed out. There were times when I wanted to scream, times I wanted to cry…and I cried if I wanted to! And there were times when I really started to lose heart.
It was the moment this morning that really got to me; the moment I was rolling the last snow tire to be loaded into my car. Why was I crying? Why was this event upsetting me so much? Sure, it’s inconvenient, and sure I’m late for work, but no one was dying! These things happen…flat tires happen, so you put a new tire on and move on with your life; what’s the big deal?
Then I realized that the Lord was speaking to me. He was ministering to my heart.
In the midst this event, it wasn’t the car I was crying over. What was getting to me was that the state of my car was a direct reflection of the state of my life in very significant areas. My life had a flat tire! I was crying because that flat tire is my family, and it is a tire I can’t fix!
I’m reminded of Bo’s comment on Whitney’s blog about chess. She was saying how funny it would be if every time we moved our piece they fought us over it! It was a brilliant illustration of how often we fight God and fret over where he places us in certain seasons.
In this case, what about flat tires that refuse to let anyone fix them? Loved ones in our lives who insist that they are fine; when it is obvious to everyone else that their hopes of getting anywhere are completely deflated. All they have to do is pull over and let someone help them!
There is no Les Schwab for me to take this flat tire to! Yet, I take comfort in this fact: I called it in to the expert, and He is running out to meet my family where they are. As soon as they are willing to pull over and ask for His help, He will be there to give them a whole new set of tires that will never go flat!
I’ve learned that you cannot hope in your family’s willingness to surrender to Christ, or you will continue to lose heart over and over, because their flat tires cannot get them to that place. What you must hope in is God’s faithfulness to be there when they’re finally ready stop and open their doors to see the truth.
I took my car to the experts at Les Schwab, and I know it’s getting fixed because that’s what they do…I take my cares and worries to the Lord, the expert, and I know they’re being answered, because that’s what He does!

Fate of our Nation

2008-11-04T14:22:00.000-08:00

I have to admit in these times I've been afraid of America's fate. Is God about to expose the wickedness that has been there all along, festering beneath the surface? Will I live to see the Nation destroy its-self with "liberty"!

How does it seem that ignorance is prevailing in every direction? Why are people willing to trade a human life for a few tax breaks? Why are they so easily deceived when the facts are in plain view?

They go out of their way to call us Christians bigots at the expense of their own integrity.

Love covers a multitude of sin. Is our "right" to be religeously offended clouding out our ability to cover a multitude of sins with the Love of Christ?

Our world is headed for distruction. We can't change it, and we were never asked to change it! God isn't focused on the sin, he knows it's there, he's looking for his kids! Jesus Christ has saved them by his blood, and he is sending us out to get them. He took our punishment upon himself and redeemed us, all he is asking is for us to run through a few fires for our brothers and sisters.

Changing the world to me doesn't mean making it a better place! It cannot be made better because it is condemned by God; marked for annihilation! Changing the world means going out and grabbing as many people as I can on my way out of this place!

Yes, we can make a difference, but we must be careful to ensure that our intension for making a difference is clearly based on creating pathways for Christ in us to intersect with a dying soul.

Everyday we pass them. Everyday we walk by hundreds of people without even contemplating sharing Christ with them. I am preaching straight to myself on this.

In battle terms, they are the ones wounded on the ground. You are the one with the sword that can stop the enemy from finishing them off!

There was a time in my life when the wounds of this life had taken their toll on me. A time when I was about to be finished off by the weight of the enemy's schemes. My hope was gone, and I honestly didn't believe anyone would know or care that I was gone. But God sent someone into my life to stop the final blow! Someone who showed me that they cared whether I lived or died.

So now, how many finally blows have I or have I not stopped? What about you? How many times have you thought, "well, someone else will share Christ with that person." What if no one else gets the chance? What if the window for that person to receive Christ was as small as the time it took for you to pass them on the street?

A Test of Faith

2008-10-03T16:21:00.001-07:00

Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”

I found this verse really hitting me hard this week, and realized how directly it relates to the condition of my faith. I had to ask my-self: ‘do I have a true understanding of faith? Or have I been leaning on my own understanding?’

Do I really trust the Lord with all my heart, or do I just say I do because I think that’s what he wants to hear? Aren’t we so very good at that…telling people what we think they want to hear?

The world taught me that I could not rely on anyone but myself, and if someone let me down I was to always have a backup plan. So has this mindset been impacting my ability to trust in God? You bet it has!

As I’ve been walking out this life with Christ, I have had to allow him to transform my mind, and give me a new prospective…the prospective of faith! I’ve had to be very careful along the way to not fall back into those mindsets when things get tough.

When I say I have faith; who is it I'm trying to convince. Do I really believe God is going to fulfill his promises in my life? Do I really believe he will bring me through whatever I'm facing? What if he doesn't? What if it doesn't get better? What if what I'm hoping for never happens?

Then I as I thought about it, I came to a worst case senerio:

He doesn't answer my prayers, I never meet the love of my life, never get out of debt, never have children, never succede in the career of my dreams, never become anyone of any significance, and never get delivered from the oppressions of life. So what if this happens?

Well, eventually I will die, leaving all my burdens behind on earth, and go spend eternity with the God of the Universe! This is the one thing we are guaranteed, that all who call on the name of Jesus WILL be saved and WILL recieve eternal life in heaven. Somehow, everything I was worried about before now seems completely be-littled by this fact!

Even still, I take comfort in what the Word of God says he will do in my lifetime on the earth:
"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."-Prov. 3:6
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands."-Psalm 138:8
"he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."-Phil. 1:6
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."-Rom. 8:28
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."-Jer. 29:11
"For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."-Psalm 107:9

...The list goes on.........and on..........and on of how faithful our God is and how much he wants to fulfill His promises in our lives.

I also take comfort in remembering that He is the only one who has never let me down. He has always been faithful to bring me through, and His ways of doing so have proven to be greater than anything I could have done on my own. And He has been my teacher.

Then I think of why we do some of the crazy things we do for recreation, e.i. wake boarding, riding horses, rock climbing, sky diving, bunji jumping etc. And I believe it's a perfect example of how God wants us to not be afraid when things get crazy. He wants us to hold on, enjoy the adventure, learn as we go, and trust that He will get us to the final destination.

In my mind, faith is the ultimate way to live life on the edge, because He most often makes us leave the edge behind altogether!

So today I am not convincing myself or God that I have faith; I'm just choosing to remember that at this point my feet are no longer on the ground, and Jesus is the only thing keeping me from falling.

Transitioning into a morning person.

2008-09-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

How do you leave the night owl in its tree for good?

I've decided that the young adult life is very similar to that of vampires. We stay up till all ours of the night, and flee, flee at the sign of dawn by stuffing our heads under the covers and hitting the snoozed button. Then we suck the life out of each other by thinking the world will come to an end if we dare risk being the only ones not at the party.

What's so very important about staying up late tonight that's worth wasting my day tomorrow on being groggy and crabby? Why is it worth getting up late, rushing out the door, and not reaching my full potential because I'm too tired?

There is a time to stay up late, laugh with friends, and make sure your face is in the picture for the record. And, there is a time to let your body have the rest it needs, so that you can be your best self tomorrow. Tired people don't look as cute in pictures anyway!

So morning people, what do you do to keep Mr. night owl on his perch? I'd very much like to know what makes your mornings work so well?

Psalm 145:14-21

2008-09-15T16:46:00.000-07:00

"The Lord upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord preserves all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever."

This week, my heart fell into a million peaces, but my God was Faithful to uphold me.

I was bowed down, surrendered by my sorrow, but he raised me up.

He saw my tears as I looked to him for help, and he gave me nourishment.

He opened his hands over me, and gave me sweet blessings where I wasn't expecting it.

Its not fair that things turned out the way they did, but God is righteous, and while the world gave me pain, he showed me great kindness.

I called on him, and he was quick to rush to my side, and his presence hugged my down-cast spirit within me.

I am in awe of his great power, and he fills my heart daily with hope and purpose.

I can cry, if I want to, and he hears me...you would cry too if it happened to you!

Though there is much pain in life, he preserves us in the midst of our hurting. Then he comes to our defense against the wicked things that attack us.

My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

Reflections of the past 23yrs.

2008-09-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

It's true, I am officially 23 years old, as of Sept. 6th.

So while I was reflection on those 23 years, I can up with some interesting observations:

~I still cannot whistle.
~I have 1 tattoo.
~I have ridden an elephant twice before the age of 10!
~I’ve never broken a bone (knock on wood!!).
~I am a descendant of an old Irish legend that involved a castle and a black cat.
~Growing up, I loved the Beach Boys and the Bee Gees!! (Still kinda do!).
~There is a story about me published in a book.
~Barbie was my best friend until age 14.
~Gardening is a gene that has been passed down to me from my Grandmother’s Grandmother.
~I have lived in Bend for all 23 years of my life, but I was not born here.
~I am the youngest of 2 ½.
~I am 5ft 6 1/2inches tall, yet the tallest in my family.
~I won an art contest, and got to hang out with a rock band that toured with Skillet and Pillar, but never made it big.
~I wanted to marry the lead singer of that band!
~I took dance classes for 8 years before I got into horses.
~I set 2 bench marks in high school for weight lifting.
~I hitch hiked on the parkway once when I was 13 (so stupid!!)
~I sing and dance loudly when no one is around; especially when there is no music to mess up my groove!
~Even while growing up in Mt. Bachelor’s “backyard,” neither of my feet have ever touched a snowboard.
~I absolutely love snowshoeing!
~I saw Cacao twice, before he was murdered.
~I’ve set off many fire alarms while on family vacations. (Omzi and zoos were my most common targets, via emergency exit doors!)

Things I like a lot:

~JESUS!!
~Art
~Horses
~Coffee
~Cheesecake
~Green olives
~Laughing till you cry
~Yummy dinners that are also very pretty to look at! (I get teased a lot for that one.)
~Hiking
~Kayaking
~Volleyball
~Finding pants that fit the way they’re suppose to!
~Fajita burritos at El Ranchero
~Sushi, and Thai food
~McKay Cottage, and Bungalow Bar & Grill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!mmmmmmmmmmm!
~Accomplishing a goal
~Watching God move mountains
~When God surprises you!
~The ocean
~Adventures, especially if it involves a road trip!
~Good friends, whom I love!
~A hug that comes at just the right time

Things I don't like so much:

~Paper towels, napkins, and most paper products (except, of course, birthday cards!)
~Popsicle sticks
~Being in debt
~Spiders
~Sneezing
~Jalapeños
~Mountain Dew (I don’t do the Dew!)
~Traffic
~Guys who don’t wear belts BUTT should; pun intended!
~Itchy sweaters
~Creepy neighbors
~Men in Speedos
~Crabby computers
~Boy George!!!
~Wanting to cry when you can’t
~The process of changing bad habits into good ones
~When “Mr. right” is not Mr. right at all
~Knowing someone needs help, yet there’s nothing you can do for them
~Things that lead to headaches, including this list!

22 was good, 23 is going to be great! God has lined up my life in very exciting ways. He has brought me to a place of high anticipation for breakthrough and victory in my life, but especially in the life of the Church. God is serious about setting people free this year, but Satan is also serious about tearing them down and keeping them captive. If we are ready for battle, God will give us the victory! I am ready for battle!

For those of you who have already seen 23yrs and beyond, what advice would you give to me as I enter a new era?

A walk in the park.

2008-08-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

Today I went on a little walk in the park during my lunch break. On my way back there was a man sitting on a picnic table up ahead. It was the same man I'd seen nearly every other time and usually in the same exact spot. Every other day when I saw him, I usually just passed by quietly, sometimes with a friendly, passerby nod, and sometimes with nothing at all. Sometimes I'd just walk on, looking intently at the pathway. Every other day I didn't give him much of a second thought; every other day I thought my main purpose in life at that time was getting back to work on time.

But today was not every other day. It felt just like every other day, but as I drew closer, I felt my spirit within me anticipating a moment I was not suppose to miss!

I gave a friendly smile and nod, as if it were any other day. We exchanged hellos, and then it went to "how are you?" When it was my turn to ask him, his head went down, and he sadly said, "not good!" That's when I knew...today this man needed my light in his darkness! Ok, so now here comes the stepping out in faith thing.

I walked over to him, and asked if I could pray for him. He had on a pair of big, black sunglasses, but they could not hide the tears that rolled down his cheeks as he said, "ya, I'd really like that!"

Kim was his name, and I found out that he has been living at the Shepherd's house. Kim's wife of 16yrs divorced him 6yrs ago, and now is not allowing him to spend time with his son. He also said he's been having a hard time finding a job that was right for him. I think the most heart-breaking part of the conversation was when he admitted that the only thing keeping him from jumping in the river, and ending it all, was that he knew it would hurt his son.

I got to tell Kim about Jesus today, and I told him that God loves and cares for him and is there to help him. I shared with him that the only way I've ever seen life get better for anyone is when they are surrendered to Jesus Christ.

I also got to pray with Kim today, and asked God to work miracles in his life. The tears were rolling down even more by the time we said Amen. He thanked me for stopping for him, and for my prayers.

We parted ways, and as I walked away he kept saying thank you, thank you thank you! My spirit was now leaping for joy within me! I had just given this man hope. He needed a touch from God, and God used me to do it. This added to my theory of how the Holy Spirit speaks to peoples souls on levels we are not aware of in the flesh. Jesus was walking with me in the park today, and something inside of Kim knew it. He needed a savior, and Jesus sent me on His behalf.

This got me to thinking, that opportunities to share my faith are not as illusive as I once thought. Sometimes we pass them over and over again, and God is telling us to stop for a minute, take a look around, and see if there are moments coming up along our path that we are not suppose to miss!

Jesus is walking with you, so who might he be asking you to stop for today?

Shine your light.

2008-08-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."~John 9:5

When I was growing up, we lived in a house that was over-shadowed by the two-story apartments behind us. Every night for 16yrs I would lay in bed with my thoughts synchronized to the rhythm of my neighbors' lights being turned on, and off, and on, and off, and so on. I didn't have blinds for a long time(the ones I had broke), so the effects where the equivalent of a full on strobe light party in my bedroom into all hours of the night. You are probably concluding right about now that, "this girl didn't get much sleep for those 16yrs!" Ya, I didn't!

Anyway, all those nights of watching my bedroom walls light up, and trying to trace each shadow back to its original source, it got me thinking. I realize now that my neighbors had no idea that their OCD light switch compulsions were in fact robing me of my beauty rest. Their intentions were simply to turn on the lights in their own world, never to know how their light was affecting someone else's darkness.

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world!" What a powerful statement! And how wonderful is it that when Jesus ascended into heaven, he didn't leave us in the dark! Instead, this now becomes OUR statement! As long as we are in the world, we are the light of the world.

The cool thing about light, is that there is no darkness that can escape it. Its kind of funny, but there is an awesome lightening storm going on right now(at the time this was written that is), speaking of light!(I love thunderstorms!)

Light=hope, light=refuge, light=guidance. Friends, let us shine our light of Christ brightly in every circumstance; you could chase away someone's darkness without ever knowing it...as long as you are in the world, and you are shinning!

P.S. May this post encourage you to be more considerate about putting on strobe parties in other people's bedrooms, if you happen to be one of those two-storied-dwelling-people that is!:)

Sheilah's Stained Glass, at the Blue Moon Marketplace

2008-08-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

Sheilah's glass will be showcased from Aug. 1st through September 30th.

Blue Moon Marketplace is located on Oregon Ave. underneath the parking garage.

Boating at Prineville Reservoir

2008-08-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

My landlords, Tony and Krista, took me out on their boat last weekend. It was so much fun, and the weather was beautiful.

Some extra perks of country living!

2008-07-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

"Fear not, I am with you!"

2008-07-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

Is. 43: 2~ "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

-God never leaves us, but how many times do we leave each other?
-How often do we leave each other to be overwhelmed, burned and consumed?
-I don't know how many times I've literally tried to walk through a raging river or a roaring fire, but I've lost count of how many times I've felt overwhelmed by the demands of ministry, or burned out in exhaustion, or consumed by the hardships of life.
-Yes, God is always faithful, he never leaves us nor forsakes us, but we also cannot forget that WE are the vessels he has chosen.

Is. 43:10~"You are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and servants whom I have chosen"

-To love, encourage, and lay down our lives for each other as Christ has done for us!

1 Pet. 4:8-10~"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God's varied grace."

-God showed us his grace and mercy when we didn't deserve it, so now we are to be good stewards of the grace he gave us by giving it to others...even if you don't think they deserve it!
-I don't always feel like being a good steward, sometimes I feel like if someone has not shown me very much love or hospitality, why should I do it for them? Because God has asked me to serve them with what I have been given, regardless of whether I get anything in return.
-If someone around me is parched and God gives me water for them to drink, who am I to keep it from them? If someone is drowning and God has given me a lifeline to throw to them, who am I to just let them drown?
-Love covers a multitude of sins. If we see people around us falling in sin, we are not called to scold or judge. A heart of condemnation lets your brother or sister drown while you watch, but love pulls them out of the water and onto dry ground. Love makes the less "likable" people more lovable, because you loving them is like soap that washes off what was so unlikable!
-We were dirty, stained by sin, and because Jesus Christ loved us, we were washed clean by his blood. Christ's love covered our sins, so now we are called to do likewise with each other.

Is. 43:4~"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life."

-Christ gave his own life in exchange for you. You are precious in his eyes.
-..."and I love you"!!

Is. 43:19~"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

-Is God placing you to be a way in the desert? Is someone needing you to point the way to Christ?

Is. 44:3~"For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants."

-Is there someone you can give water to today? Have you seen someone in your ministry who may be running dry?
-Maybe you yourself are the one who needs water? Be revived today friends, for you are loved and precious in God's eyes. He is doing a new thing in your life today! He will make a way for you in the wilderness, and give you a river of refreshing in the desert.

Bungalow Bar and Grill!!!

2008-07-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

On a lighter note, my mom and I had dinner at the Bungalow Tropical Bar and Grill last night, and hands down was the best dinner, possibly of my entire life!! I had the Fiji chicken...sooooo amazingly good, and my mom had the spare ribs, which I tried, and they were spectacular! Its a very elegant atmosphere, and so are the prices!( quite spendy, but well worth the big bucks in my opinion!) and the waiters all wear Hawaiian shirts. And it totally reminded me of our fine dinning experience in Mexico last year, for those of you who were there, the one that was up on the roof top! The restaurant is in the Cascade Village or what ever its called, upstairs across from Cold Stone Creamery. Seriously, if you want your taste buds rocked, and have some extra splurging money, check it out, and thank me later by taking me there again!!:) I'm enjoying my left-overs for lunch today!

A very sad update.

2008-07-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to say that Crystal passed away yesterday afternoon. Thank you so much for all your prayers. Please keep praying with me for Crystal's family. Thanks guys.

Please pray for Crystal!!

2008-07-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

Crystal is a little girl my mom and I know who has been fighting a rare bone disease, which is very similar to leukemia, for most of her life.

She has been waiting for a bone marrow transplant, and has finally found a donor, however, she recently came down with pneumonia, and had to be rushed to the hospital. Now has picked up a fungus which is spreading through her body. They took part of her lung and she had open heart surgery. If they get it under control she will need a liver transplant (as well as the planned bone marrow transplant). If the fungus travels to her sinuses it will go to her brain and kill her. The doctors say that she cannot have the bone marrow transplant unless she is completely healthy, or else she will not survive the operation. Because of her disease, Crystal does not have an immune system to fight off viruses or infections such as which she is now facing, so keeping her alive, and getting her healthy enough for her transplant has become quite the battle.

Our God is a big God! And He can do all things, so please join with me in praying for Crystal and her Family for a miracle. Friends, WE are her hope, because we know a God who is mighty to save!

What do ya do???

2008-07-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

So, what do you do when:
-You're trying to lose weight
-You just had a great work out last night
-You ate a healthy dinner
-You feel proud of yourself for such accomplishment, and...
-In the morning you come to find an ugly, yet beautiful sight of a fresh box of donuts that someone brought in to work!!!:(

Two questions:
1. Why is it always right after a great acheivement that the wrath of a wolf in "donut's" clothing comes to the attack?

2. Why is a donut so tempting in the first place? One little donut can pretty much cancel out everything I just did the night before. They're so bad for you, but so completely irresistible...and they know it too!!

Prayer request:
-"Father God, hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give me today this donut, but please Lord not daily!
Bless this donut into my body, but may it not over stay its welcome.
Forgive me of my sins, as I forgive those donuts who sin against me, oh Lord.
Lead me not into temptation, but please deliver me from the evil donut.
I forgive this donut of its trespass against me, though its armies of fat and calories surrounds me on all sides!:( Oh Lord, God above all things, deliver me from this evil army."

Psalm 73

2008-07-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

My strength and my portion forever:

-My feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped.

-For I was envious of the arrogant.

-It seemed a wearisome task to keep my heart clean, until I went into the sanctuary of God

-I was rough around the edges and so ignorant toward you...

-Ignorance is a trap, envy the trigger, and I had almost stumbled.

-Nevertheless, I am continually with you. I will not give up.

-I reach out to you, and you hold my right hand.

-I search for understanding, and you guide me with your counsel.

-One day I will be in your glorious presence, just as you have promised, but until then...

-There is nothing on earth that I desire besides you

-My flesh and my heart may fail,

-But God, you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

-I will fall many times on the earth, but you will never give up on me.

-It is so good to be near you God, I have made you my refuge,

-And I will tell everyone of all your works!

"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo!"

2008-07-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

I heard this phrase in a sermon I was listening to online the other day, and I couldn't help but feel that, perhaps, I might be everyone else's weirdo! Now I understand that we all have our awkward moments, but I think I am one of those people who have those moments more often, and with a greater variety of people.

Then I got to thinking about the desire to be liked and accepted, and I wondered where the balance is between loving and being loved by your brothers and sisters in Christ and just wanting to be accepted.

Please understand my heart, I am not venting, and for the most part I know I am loved and accepted. But I do have a very quiet nature, and generally that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and I more often then not feel completely miss-understood.

This is my heart:
-I love my Church, but more than that, I love THE Church! The Body of Christ, and I desire with all my heart to see her succeed in every way in the name of our Lord Jesus.
-I love my brothers and sisters. There are those of you whom I don't talk to or hang out with very often. I don't usually step out of my comfort zone to tell you I love you, so I commit myself to doing so more often and I ask for your forgiveness. I constantly perceive people trying to figure me out, but all I want you to know is that I really love you. All of you are wonderful, but I love you because when I look at you, God shows me how much He loves you. I want you all to succeed, and I only wish I knew in every situation what to do to stand with you and show my support. Too often, however, my own insecurities get in the way, and as the amazing Katie Scott pointed out once, insecurity can be a form of pride! So again, please forgive me.

I have completely surrendered my life to serving Jesus, and I live to please my Father not man, but I still struggle a little with simply wanting people to like me. I don't entirely believe it is a bad desire, but it can definitely be used against you by the enemy. Satan will try to make you believe that no one likes you, and it doesn't matter who you are, or where you come from, that is absolutely NEVER true.

What I've come to understand is that when you begin to feel insecure, its because the enemy is trying to make you question who you are. If you don't know who you are, its really hard to know how much you are worth.

Before I knew Christ, I bought into the world's message that I would never be good enough, so there was no point in trying. But when I gave my life to Jesus, He promised that He would love me and accept me for eternity. God says that I am His daughter, He confirms it over and over through His word(the Bible), and through the abundance of blessing and fulfillment He gives me everyday.

This is what we must never forget: We are His children, sons and daughters of the Most High God. He has accepted us at the price of the cross, and by the power of the resurrection of Jesus. And, He has declared us QUALIFIED in every way, for every good purpose. And since HE has declared you qualified, no one and nothing can disqualify you!

In conclusion: The desire to be liked and accepted should never interfere with your understanding of who God says you are. I think that if it does, God just might have a thing or two to tell you that will give you a better understanding.

I could use your thoughts if you have them.

I promised pictures, so here they are! Welcome to my new home!!

2008-06-27T16:51:00.000-07:00

This only took a year?!!

2008-06-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

I've got some new neighbors!!

2008-06-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

When I went to bed of Friday, I heard what sounded like an owl, hooting all night long in the arena on the other side of my bedroom wall. This confirmed that I definitely now live in the country! It was kind of cool to listen to him, but obviously I did not get any sleep!

So the next day I was out and about, and walked passed the arena and my theory was affirmative... I looked in and saw Mr. owl perched way up in the rafters. I ran inside and grabbed my camera, and as I took pictures and marveled, I looked to my right and what do ya know...

There was Mrs. owl! I thought, "how cool is that! One is pretty neat, but two is totally rad!"

So there they were. They stared at me the whole time, which was kind of scary because they're so intense looking. But as you can see, they let me get pretty close. I took some pictures, and then I left them in peace.

I'm pretty sure there was a little romance going on between them, so cute!

Anyway, this just completely made my day, because I had just finished a really great devotional time with the Lord!

One of them left, but the other one still hangs around. I actually wish they would stick around, I think you're so cool...as long as my kitty is inside that is!!

Update you say? Well...

2008-06-13T06:20:00.000-07:00

I move into my house this weekend!!!! I've already started taking boxes over, I'M SO EXCITED...AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT...AND ya, you get the idea right?!! Don't worry pictures are coming soon.

A season of breakthrough indeed! Life is great!!

2008-04-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

Athen is almost as tall as her mom! After she sheds out this winter

coat, she'll be almost all black.

This is my new apartment so far!!!

There will be another window on the left side too.

My living room; and my bedroom will be on the other side of that wall frame.

And yes, that's right, vaulted ceilings!!

My kitchen cabinets!

And the view from my kitchen window, where my horses will be!
I will have a cute little yard out there too.

As far as an update on my life goes, I'm kind of going to bounce off of Pastor Ken's message this last weekend about prophetic breakthrough.

One of his most powerful points to me was that breakthrough is post-traumatic, and that God will bring us through times of trials first so that when the breakthrough comes we won't be ruined by the prosperity. I felt like he was talking right to me! The last two years, while I was doing CLC, were really tough for me. God was taking me apart, cleaning me out, and putting me back together the way He wanted me to be. Looking back now I am grateful, but during the process, before I could see the end result, I was a complete mess! I felt like mush. Every time I tried to stand up to take some kind of shape of myself, I would just slump back to a puddle of confusion, hopelessness, and utter frustration.

It wasn't until after my 2nd year graduation that God began putting the pieces together again, and now I finally understand the purpose of all that turmoil! He was building up my character. Instead of being applesauce, He wanted me to be cement! That when He did start to build me up and put me in my place that I would hold up under pressure, and be solid in him. Things I knew in my head, but didn't fully understand until now. He has truly done an amazing work in me, because, even in my own eyes, success in any form looked so unlikely!

Now, my life is so wonderful! My horses are doing well, Athen is getting closer and closer to sizing up her mom everyday, I love my job, the Lord is fine tuning my spiritual gifts in 180jv, and my new apartment is coming along nicely. My move in date is June 1st! I am living in the blessing of the Lord, and its so amazing. I know that there are trials still to come someday, but I also know, that because of this great work the Lord has done in me, I won't crumble and fall!

"He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure." -Psalm 40:2

"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock." -Matthew 7:24-25

Winter camp 2008

2008-03-16T16:58:00.001-07:00

My first piano! Yay, I love it!!

2008-03-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

Canyonview camp, 2007

2008-03-03T17:30:00.001-08:00

Thank you to my friends!! No really!

2008-02-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

I saw one of my old friends today. From back in the day when I had lots of "friends" like her. Sure, we had a lot of "fun" but when it came down to what I really needed, what we all really need, a real friend, I was left hanging. I went to plenty of parties, got waisted, laughed hypocritically at the drunken foolishness of everyone else, and had a good time. Lots of people knew who I was, and a lot of people gave me the attention I thought I wanted, but it wasn't what I needed and I was even more alone than I realized.

What saddens me the most when looking back is that I really did care a lot about the ones I thought were my closest friends.

But when looking at my life now, I am filled with hope, joy, love, and so much grattitude for all of the wonderful friends God has given me. The Body of Christ, my brothers and sisters in Christ, we are all family! There are so many of you, but all of you are true. The love and encouragement I give feels like only half of that which I recieve. You have seen me laugh, and you have seen me cry, and I stand by you with my whole heart because I know you stand by me too! We are all in this TOGETHER, and thats why we'll make it through!

To all of my friends, the ones I see a lot, and also to those I hardly ever see, I am greatful for you! Without you I would not make it...Thank you!!

Youth ministry is hard!

2008-01-17T12:45:00.000-08:00

Its never easy to see one of your students floundering, even after all that you have poured out of yourself for them. The enemy will come in and try to tell you its not worth it... not worth your time, effort, and heartache. Sometimes you feel like believing that, and you are so close to just giving up, but something keeps you hanging in there. This idea in your head that there is still hope that something will change. You have absolutely no factual basis for this hope, and all the odds say your stupid for even thinking it. Yet, you keep going, keep encouraging, keep uplifting, and keep speaking truth. Why? Because God is up to something, and He doesn't want you to miss it! Even after you have done everything humanly possible and still seemed to have lost, you know that God will come through. He is capable of all things, and He is never late! His timing is always perfect, and the mystery of His ways leave us in awe of Him every time.

To all my fellow youth ministers out there, be encouraged today! Remember that God has never, and will never give up on anyone, so we must not either. Prepare yourselves to be in awe of God Almighty, for He is indeed up to something!

There was a girl in 180jv who was sitting next to me. She talked and gave sarcastic remarks throughout the whole service. She went out of her way to make it clear that she was smarter than everyone there, and that the whole thing was not worth her time. Any other day, and I would have been so irratated by her ignorant and arrogant attitude..."what a little punk!" But last night, I felt something different. She was exactly where God wanted her. Even though you couldn't tell if she was listening at all, God was clearly speaking to her on a whole other level. She continued her sarcasm all the way till the end of the message. All I felt God saying was, "just watch, and see what I am about to do!" So I watched.
When Steve gave the call to except Jesus Christ as their savior, she was the first to raise her hand! Praise God! Don't ever worry about what you cannot do! Just be ready for God to blow your mind completely!

2008-01-08T15:09:00.000-08:00

Hey all, I don't know who actually reads these, except for my great friends Molly and Grace!...but here it goes with the updates:

Life has been amazing! Like Pastor Ken says: "This is the year of the Lord's favor!" I have had so much break through in every area of my life. My two horses are doing well, and God has opened up some wonderful new opportunities for me toward some of the goals I have with them. I have had them boarded with Krista and Tony in Tumalo, and they have been so kind and generous to me! They are currently building me a 1bed 1bath apartment right on their property! And when it is done, my horses will be in the pasture right next to it! I am also excited because this will give me the privilege of serving them, and giving them some days off. It is due for completion some time in March! So ya'll have to come see it now ya hear!! I am also working with an amazing Dressage trainer (teaches people the fancy way to ride a horse, for those of you who don't know what dressage is!lol!), who has been encouraging and uplifting me in the Lord, and is helping me pursue the visions God has given me for ministry with horses.

I have a great new job...
I work for Premera Blue Cross.

I have been there for 3mo. and God has blessed me already with favor and success, and I currently hold a 100% accuracy record! Woohoo! (Not to mention the great benefits!!)

I feel the presence of God on my life more than ever before! I have had major breakthrough in my daily devotions, and I am seeing my prayers being answered. God is so faithful...and everything He does He does it above and beyond our expectations.

But also like Pastor Ken says, "new levels new devils!"
Breakthrough does not mean its time to take a nap...you're still running for the prize! I have reached an incredible season of prosperity and blessing, but it has come with higher expectations, and a greater need for accountability. Now that I have come this far, I don't want to ever go back, so I must keep going forward.

Christmas with the family

2007-12-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

Wrapping paper bliss!

The future of guitar hero!!

The pillow is as big as her! I got her that!! But everyone kept telling her it was a bunch of toilet paper before she unwrapped it... she didn't believe us!!

Me in my snazy new fleece!

Tara's going away party

2007-12-29T10:27:00.001-08:00

She said she kind of knew...

...but I think it was still a surprise!

Karlee and Josh made a surprise appearance.

The balloon was actually stuck to her thumb!!

But don't worry, she got it off!

Guitar Heroness

Crazy uno; its crazy...and I still don't get it! "cool beans!"

We will all miss her, but she's going to change the world!

The map of Bend. So she doesn't forget us, and how much we love her.

We love you Tara!! Don't stay away too long!

2007-12-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

"Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:1-5~

I have come to this new place in my life where I can see that I am bearing much fruit. The Lord has been blessing me so abundantly with so much opportunity and success in everything I put my hands to.
A lot of the things I was praying for these past two years have been graciously answered beyond my expectations, and I am in awe as I watch the visions God gave me and the words he spoke over me unfold before my feet just as he said they would.
I have been given so much more than I asked for, but this season of prosperity I am in is not how I thought it would be. He has changed me through the process, and I find myself with all new struggles.
I am full of joy and excitement for what is ahead, and at the same time I feel the discomfort of being pruned and shaped from the inside out.
My circumstances have changed, but more than that, my heart has been completely changed. The way that I think has completely changed, and I cannot take any credit for it.
A lot of people focus on the part that says "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." (John 15:7) including myself, but what it says before that is that if you want to bear more fruit you must be pruned!
I have to admit, that I haven't always believed that what I was praying for would ever be answered. I believed God could do anything, but a part of me was never convinced that He would do it for me. I sort of thought I would only see Him do it for everyone else...and honestly, I think it was a cop-out so I could stay where I was comfortable!
He revealed to me that I was not giving Him my whole heart, so my heart went wild with pride, fear, doubt, and complacency, and He could not prune it out because I was not letting Him. And I waisted so much time wondering why I could not change myself; why could not just be different; why I could not grow anymore.
A professional landscaper or gardener can take his sheers to a tree or a shrub, and make it look beautiful, all while encouraging it to grow up, thus, clearing the walk way it was blocking before. But someone with no experience tries to go and do the same thing, and just butchers the crap out of the poor thing, and it almost hurts just to look at it!
God wants to trim off the bad branches, clear my path, encourage me to grow taller and fuller, and make me look beautiful. Instead, I take the sheers and either butcher myself, or just let myself grow wild and out of control, not to mention I'm blocking my own path!
Well, I finally gave Him the sheers. Though it is uncomfortable, I feel for beautiful now than I ever have. I feel clean and fresh, and closer to my Lord.
When I look ahead, I see challenges, but I am not discouraged. I just take a deep breath and... Abide in Him! I know there will be stretching, and times for the need of endurance, but I also know that I can Trust in Him that I will reach the other side in better condition than when I started.

"By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples." ~John 15:8~

"But the greatest of these is love"

2007-12-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

I was reading Gracie's blog about relating to our culture, and our great need of Christ's supernatural love to help us reach out to people, and it got me thinking about my own life, and how Christ's love has been shown to me.
This picture was taken just days before my new life with Jesus Christ would begin. You probably never would have guessed that previous to these drapes of red and trim of silver, I was dressed in black sweatshirts, baggy jeans w/the "designer" holes, and up to six layers of wicca/ voodoo necklaces at a time on a daily bases. My most common attire was usually complemented by a 1" thick spike collar, which was originally intended for a dog!
In the early years of my life, the love God always intended for me to know was replaced with hurt, betrayal, abandonment, fear, anger. The message I was wanting to send most clearly was, "just leave me be, there is pain here, the closer you get, the more I hurt, so please just stay away."
I had most people fooled...most that is.
I was brought to Christ because people loved me through my spike collar and baggy clothes!
They didn't have to say much...because I watched every move they made, and everything they did was in love.
I saw their faces, I heard their voices, but there was always another conversation going on in the midst of it. A conversation between the Holy Spirit and my soul!
Because Christ was behind all of their actions, He himself was able to move through them and speak to my heart to the deepest level.
We absolutely cannot underestimate the awesome power of the love of Christ!! Because, honestly, that is the real miracle behind everything He has done for us.

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
~1 Corinthians 13:13~

Rosa's Christmas Recitle

2007-12-21T19:08:00.001-08:00

Rockin out to jingle bells, 8 days of haunika, must be santa clause, the shoemaker
the hawaii song(if they could hardly say the words, I don't think I could do much better!), silent night, and...

One precious little boy in a red santa hat helped us to always remember...
"FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!!!"
and a partridge in a pear tree!

2007-12-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

My nieces in their halloween costumes!

2007-12-21T18:17:00.001-08:00

Rosa(7) and Donna(5)

Just cute!!

2007-12-21T17:35:00.001-08:00

Don't know them, it was just cute!

All dressed up for the YLD Christmas party

2007-12-19T22:40:00.001-08:00

180jv blacklight party

2007-12-19T22:09:00.001-08:00

Tonic water!!

Highlights from our 180jv girls all nighter

2007-12-19T21:53:00.001-08:00

We love our jv pastor!!

T.P. brides contestBrad as our fashion judge!!

He couldn't decide, so they all won!

Mexico trip

2007-12-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

Mexico trip

2007-12-19T21:44:00.001-08:00

2007-12-19T21:37:00.002-08:00

Mexico trip

2007-12-19T21:31:00.001-08:00

Mexico trip

2007-12-19T16:06:00.001-08:00

At the airport, going to Mexico with CLC.

2007-10-02T18:45:00.000-07:00

I was about 16, and I had just been baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I had been battling with severe depression, and I had no hope or vision for my life. Then I encountered the power of God like I never had before.
I was with a group of prayer warriors who were praying for our nation, and I felt God's presence all around me. It was real! There was something behind their words when they prayed, that made it more than just words. They were believing in faith that what they were praying for would actually happen.
For the first time, I knew without a doubt that God was really in the room, and that He was actually listening to every prayer.
So I asked later about what was happening, and I was told about the power of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit baptism. I was baptized that night and received my prayer language immediately.
Since then I began to have visions of my future, and a clearer understanding of what God's purpose was for my life. I felt free, with a kind of strength that was not my own, but that of Christ within me, like he had given me wings.

"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." ~Isaiah 40:31~

The newest member of my family.

2007-10-02T18:43:00.001-07:00

I am in love!

2007-10-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

My 2 best girls

2007-10-02T13:47:00.001-07:00

This is Miracle and her 5 month old daughter, Athen. They are both amazing blessings to me from the Lord.

New Painting

2007-10-02T13:24:00.000-07:00

This is the first painting I have completed in about 6 years. Its inspiration came from Psalm 121.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and the earth."