My little Grande adventure, Part 1: Planning and anticipating!

Hello everyone! The verdict is in...so here is what I'm going to be doing this summer:

-I will be meeting my biological father face to face for the very first time!

-He has been serving a life sentence in Maximum Security Prison since before my 1st birthday for murder.

-He has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as being physically and mentally absive and manipulative.

-God has given me so much healing, wholeness, forgiveness, wisdom and understanding, and new identity in Him that is no longer subject to the bondage and brokenness of my family's past.

-This is something I feel that the Lord is asking me to do, and I believe He has a bigger purpose for it than what I can see right now.

-My dad has writen me letters throughout the years, some were good, some were really hurtful and mean spirited, but God used it to strengthen me and to enable me to speak truth into his life with boldness and dignity.

-Because of my refusal to be manipulated by his words, and the grace God has given me to show to him, it has established an understanding on his part that if he wants any kind of relationship with me it has to be on mine and God's terms, not his. My confrontations with him have been very blunt, and slightly abrassive, but I believe that the senserity and truth God poured out through me in those letters have lead him to a place of searching!

-At this time I am fully confident that this will be an incredible experience, and that so much shaping and upbuilding of my faith and character will come out of it.

-And...who knows what will happen for my dad because of it! God is perfectly capable of doing something miraculous in his life!

-So with that being said, this will be quite a trip for me! After my visit with my dad I will be running away to the beach for a week alone with Jesus! Here's a little look at my "itinerary":

STOP #1:

Oregon State Penitentiary, Salem, OR.

Inmate #4304945, Marvin Sherman

STOP #2:

To: Coastal HWY 101!!

STOP #3:

To be decided as I go!!:)

STOP #4:

My Hotel!!!!!!!!!:

LOBY

PIANO ROOM!!:)

MY ROOM!

MY VIEW!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I allow God to prepare my heart for what is to come!

And Melinda...keep that couch warm for me just in case!!;)

Habikuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not bud
and there is no fruit on the vines,

though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will triumph in the Lord; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!

For the choir director: on stringed instruments.

Yahweh my Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights!

To all my single lady friends! A new and improved post just for you!

This Christmas season for me marked 4 years of single life, and though I certainly do not wish to do it forever, waiting on love has proven to be a most wonderful thing.

I fully agree that it can drive you crazy at times, and I have spent plenty of time in the slammer of loneliness and longing. The only difference between an insane asylum and desire, in my opinion, is that the insane asylum provides the padded room and straight jacket to keep you from hurting yourself!

In these 4 years I've found that waiting really does build character. I feel that God has transformed me into a whole new woman. I look in the mirror today, and what once was a reflection of insecurity, timidness, regret, hurt, and pride; is now a reflection of confidence, radiance, love, passion, and a resemblance that is looking more and more like Jesus.

All of the credit for this goes solely to my period of waiting, not for a man, but for God to finish his work in me. When God gives me these glimpses of what he's doing in me, it's then that I realize that he's designing the wife my husband is praying for!

It's a truly amazing thing to watch God change you and mature you, because in those moments he's letting you see a little bit of how he's planning on answering someone else's prayers through you. So now, instead of longing for a husband, I have realized my God-given longing to be some one's wife...some one's answered prayer!

God has placed a calling on my life to be a wife and a mother in a world where wives are no longer held accountable to the standards of honor and integrity before God. To be a pillar for my family while the world says it's ok for wives to be bulldozers!

By embracing this season of waiting I get to show God that I am refusing to compromise for anything less than His best for my life, but also, that I refuse to compromise myself for anything less than God's best for my future husband!
That puts a big challenge on my part to step up and become the woman my husband will need me to be. It also takes selfishness out of my prayer life, because instead of only praying for my needs to be met in a godly husband, I'm praying for God to do what He needs to do in me to fulfill the needs of my husband in a godly wife. And I'm praying for Him to do all that NOW, while I'm waiting...while I'm a wife under construction! That when my future spouse comes to pursue me, a hard hat will not be required!!

So what's so bad about "testing the waters"? What's so important about "saving" myself anyway?

Why not?

Why not dilly dally with crushes, flirting, and casual dating?
It's not really hurting anyone is it? It's just harmless fun until you find the right person, isn't it?

During these 4yrs God has had to help me let go of some old memories of past relationships. He showed me that what I wanted in a husband was being fabricated by comparing every guy I'd ever dated. Honestly, I don't want my husband to be comparable to anyone I've ever even known! And I'm pretty sure he won't appreciate me using a measuring stick that has a bunch of other guy's names on it!

I've learned that dating is not what tells me who I am, but rather what I am not! All of my time and effort was being wasted on trying to be what someone else wanted me to be. I was also trying to make him play or roll in my own fantasy of what I thought romance should be. Then one day I stood up and asked myself if being dragged through the dirt and having to pick myself up again after every guy I dated who wasn’t right for me was really benefiting me as much as I thought. Is it really worth it? Though it made me feel good and significant for a time, the more I learned about who I am not, the less I realized I knew about who I am, and the woman God designed me to be.

This is when I decided that being led on by the “what if’s” and “what could be’s” in life was distracting me from seeing the what IS and what should be. God has his own ideas as to what my romance story should look like, and it starts with living out my romance story with Him first. Then he pours things into my heart that someday He will use to bless the man He brings into my life.

My romance reserves are locked away and guarded carefully for only one man. God is filling those reserves with love, passion, excitement, fulfillment, desire, commitment, loyalty, gifts and talents, dreams and visions, motherhood, and all kinds of treasures and they are designed and designated for ONE man!
And, He is building these things up to a climax. Like a great novel building up in intensity and suspense that compels you to turn the page and find out what happens next.

God wants us to live out the romance story He has already written for us.
I also think of a jar of fruit preserves when I think of the importance of waiting for romance. Once you pop the seal you have to make the most of the whole jar, or else it goes bad! If you give your spouse a jar that's been opened a time or two already, there's a good chance that what you're giving him has grown some mold! But if that seal is protected, unbroken, and saved for a special occasion, then everything inside remains well preserved. And when your spouse opens it, it will be fresh and full for him to enjoy every drop. And guess what? If you are faithful to guard the treasure God is preserving in you for your spouse, He will be faithful to make sure you get a jar too! Fully preserved, un-tampered with, and filled to the brim with satisfaction. So keep those English muffins handy!

Sure, I could probably find someone and fabricate a love life that fits what I think it should be, but honestly, I think that the only man I could ever fully trust to love me and remain faithful to our marriage, our children and to his faith and devotion to God is the one man that God himself chooses! If I truly trust in the Lord alone, then I can trust the man He brings into my life with all my heart, and with absolutely no fear! You cannot control another person’s heart, so the only way you will have a solid marriage is if that person’s heart is governed by the Lord who is ever faithful and good.

God is really willing to give you a life of romance, but sometimes he waits to see if you’re really willing to hold out for the greatest romance you could have never imagined, or will you continue to compromise for what is most convenient?

God can use this time in your single life to teach you to be faithful to your spouse even before you know their name! Then when the time comes, that strength will be built-in to who you are, and your marriage will be one that laughs in the face of trial and hardship. A marriage ordered and ordained by the Lord, and it will be a part of God’s plan to restore his design of family in the Church.

What are your thoughts? Did I leave anything out? What else makes the waiting season worth doing well?

Waiting for God's best, in me, through me, and for me!
-Jennifer

The demanding life of discipleship

"Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more"- Luke 12:48

With much comes much responsibility, of which there is no room for compromise in the eyes of the Lord.

What is it that you are praying for?
Wisdom, blessing, a fruitful ministry, anointing to lead a group of people, or even for a spouse or for children. These kinds of prayers can send us in tails spins of faith, followed by questioning and doubt when they aren't answered the way we think they should be.

I have come to realize that everything I pray for; even for someone I know to come to Christ, comes with a price tag of responsibility on my part.

There's no doubt that God wants to answer our prayers, and use us in powerful ways for his kingdom, but if he's going to entrust his power, authority, anointing, and blessings to us, sometimes the delay comes from him waiting for us to be able to hold up under the weight.

The more God gives me in life, the more of my life he will require for his own purposes. So if I am praying for someone's salvation, or the fruitfulness of a ministry I am leading, I have to be prepared to give of myself what is required. I have to be prepared to give my time, compassion, and knowledge of God's word to disciple the person I was praying for once they come to Christ.

If God brings fruit to my ministry, I must be prepared for the demands of growing pains. If God is entrusting me to have influence over people, I am responsible for conducting myself and applying my abilities whole heartedly in way that will not cause those people to stumble. So whatever I pray for, I must be willing to allow God to require what is needed of me for that prayer to be fully answered. Then, when I am found lacking, as long as my heart is submitted in humility...that's when the supernatural stuff starts to happen!!

"Therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."- Luke 14:33

Sometimes what you're willing to sacrifice of your own life is the determining factor for what you should be brave enough to pray for!

Giving without expecting

“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” –Luke 6:35-36

I think that this has always been a hard word to chew on, but none the less, it is the word of God.

So how would this scripture play out in our lives in this day and age? What enemies are we to love?

One thing that comes to mind is how many of us often feel unappreciated in ministry. We work and serve away our social lives, and somewhere down the road expect a bus of gratitude, praise, or at least some kind of recognition to come pick us up and take us on tour.

I am not of course saying that the people we are in ministry with are our enemies! What I am saying is that this is a huge blind spot the enemy uses to his benefit if we are not careful to keep our own hearts in check in every circumstance.

Another person’s failure to give recognition, whether it is or isn’t deserved, should not in anyway determine what we give of ourselves in ministry.

“do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.”

Being effective in any ministry has entirely to do with the condition of your heart, for it will always give you an honest evaluation of whom you are really serving! We ask God to use us as his vessels, but He can’t do that if we keep filling ourselves with bitterness, resentment, jealousy, un-forgiveness, or even just a lack of mercy or compassion toward someone. However small, or seemingly traceless these things in our hearts give us the verdict of “unclean vessel” before God.

At a restaurant, if your water glass is dirty you send it back and ask for a clean one. If God wants to use you to pour into someone’s life, he’s going to want your glass to be clean, because he doesn’t want the pure things He has to give to be mixed or contaminated with something in us that isn’t clean. That’s where confusion and false doctrine comes from!

If we really are serving and living only to please God, then we have no right to demand honor of any kind for our efforts, because God is the one who must always get the glory.

I believe this has a major part to play in us becoming a united church body; to serve each other without expecting anything in return. That when even our own brothers and sisters make us feel discouraged, that we are quick to love them and show them mercy and forgiveness, and so bring honor to God, and prevent bitterness from taking root…in any form.

We are all flawed. Every one of us has the potential to be someone else’s enemy, even unintentionally! Simple misunderstandings; or even just misreading someone’s tone of voice or body language are things we must be on the lookout for, lest we trip and fall into great division.

God is compassionate, merciful, loving and kind. He is patient, slow to anger, and quick to forgive. He reveals Himself to us in these ways for the purpose of teaching us to fall in line accordingly. These are pieces of our character that must be built up if we are to really look more like Him to the rest of the world.

This has been a challenge to me; to take a deep and accurate look at the condition of my heart while I'm serving in ministry. Am I truly serving God, and fully committed to doing my part to keep division out? Or, are my hurt feelings leaving cracks open for the enemy to get in?

“Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”-Luke 6:38 (ESV)

Love covers a multitude of sins…especially within the Church

Commited to giving more, and expecting less
-Jennifer

USA vs. Lachish

Idolatry, shedding of innocent blood, sexual immorality, oppression of the poor, gluttony, these are all sins of a culture that was condemned to complete and brutal destruction in ancient Judah.

Lachish was a fortified city in southern Judah. The city was a fortress guarding the road to Jerusalem between the Mediterranean Sea to the West, and the Mountain terrain to the East. It was said that if Lachish stood, Jerusalem would stand, and if Lachish fell, Jerusalem would also fall.

The Bible records Israel’s capture of Lachish from the Canaanites in the book of Joshua during the Late Bronze Age. It was a chapter in Israel’s pursuit of the land God had promised them when he brought them out of Egypt.

During their sieges in the surrounding territories, five kings, including king Japhia of Lachish, joined together in forces and came against Gibeon, who had made peace with Israel, so Joshua brought his army to their defense. Scripture records that after Joshua had defeated them, he had the five kings executed and hung on five trees until evening.

2 Kings Chapter 17 indicates, however, that the customs of the pagan nations that the Lord had driven out were heavily infiltrated into the practices of the people of Israel.
Lachish became a city known for its worship of Baal, practices in fertility rituals, and the sacrificing of their own sons and daughters upon altars built to foreign gods.

Archaeology excavations; first done in 1929, then in 1932-1938, and again in 1973-1987, uncovered evidence such as shrines and altars of Baal worship within family dwellings.

During the reign of King Hezekiah (around 701 B.C.), God poured out his judgment upon Judah for their sins by sending in the Assyrians, who at that time were the most feared of all armies, and are still known as one of the most brutal nations in history. Lachish, along with the city Ai, was thought to be the last of the fortified cities to fall on the southern front of Judah.

Remnants dating back to this single invasion include 1,000 iron arrowheads found within the city walls, piles of large sling stones from the catapults, and a chain to a battering ram. The site shows evidence of such fierce burning and thorough destruction that it left behind layers of ashes up to three feet thick, and 1,500 bodies were found, thrown into a single common tomb after being burned.

The cruelty of the Assyrians against Lachish was even recorded in great detail by the Assyrian king, Sennacherib, in what is known as a freeze, which was carved into a wall in his palace at Nineveh. It shows his great triumph and humiliation of Lachish by cutting off their heads, noses, and limbs. People were impaled upon the ends of tall sharp stakes and hung for display, and the few that were taken as captives were tortured and led away with rings through their lips and sacks over their heads.

Although Lachish was later rebuilt, it was to be retaken and destroyed by King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon (around 586 B.C.), sending all of Israel into exile once again.

This is one of many examples God uses to show that when his people do not keep his statutes, and obey his commandments that it brings his wrath and judgment upon their heads. In the city of Lachish, evidence was also found of homes where families did not worship Baal, and were even shown to have an allegiance to God alone, and even they were given over along with the culture in which they lived.

Lachish is no doubt a sad story, but how does today’s culture in the United States compare? One could conclude that we are much more civilized now than people were in ancient times, but I would beg to differ.

In the United States, it would be considered against the law to sacrifice a child on an altar to the gods, yet millions of innocent lives are still destroyed every year by abortion, and it is justified by a woman’s “right” to choose. Death by impalement would surely be protested today as being cruel and inhumane, while plunging a tube through the back of an infant’s skull in the act of partial-birth abortion is left to open debate!

Our society cracks down on criminals, and shakes righteous fists at injustice in the courts, yet violence and sexual immorality are infiltrated into movies, video games, and internet pornography, so no matter how much more civilized we think we are, we’ve only found more justifiable ways of committing the same sins!

In a nation where we are more humane in the execution of our criminals, rapists and murders alike, than we are in preserving the lives of our children, and a nation that freely and rampantly promotes living a life of whatever feels good, can we honestly say that we are any better than they were?

How then do you affect an entire culture for the name of Christ? To me this is an overwhelming thing to ponder!

I have to admit that in these times I've been afraid of America's fate. Is God about to expose the wickedness that has been there all along, festering beneath the surface? The sin God expressed the most anger over in 2 Kings 17 was the hidden sin! Sins such as those our culture weaves into all forms of media that every American sees thousands of times per day!

How does it seem that ignorance is prevailing in every direction? Why are people willing to trade a human life for a few tax breaks? I find it so hard to understand why people are so easily deceived when the facts are in plain view, and it makes me wonder if I will live to see the day when this Nation destroys its-self with "liberty". They seem to go out of their way to call Christians bigots at the expense of their own integrity!

God’s word says that love covers a multitude of sin. Is our "right" to be religiously offended clouding out our ability to cover a multitude of sins with the Love of Christ? Are we affecting our culture, or facing the same judgment along with them?

Our world is headed for destruction, and maybe we can’t change that, but maybe God isn't focused on the sin, and maybe He’s not asking us to either! He knows it's there; he's just looking for his kids!

Jesus Christ has saved them by his blood, and he is sending us out to get them. He took our punishment upon himself and redeemed us, so what if all he is asking is for us to run through a few fires for our brothers and sisters?

Changing the world to me doesn't only mean making it a better place! I’m not sure it can be made better, if only for a short time, because it is condemned by God; marked for annihilation! Changing the world means going out and grabbing as many people as I can on my way out of this place!

Perhaps the reason why God’s faithful ones died alongside the sinners at Lachish is simply because they failed to reach out, and because their lights failed to shine in the midst of their dark culture!

We pass them every day; walking by hundreds of people without even contemplating sharing Christ with them, or even just extending a friendly gesture as simple as “hello, how are you?”

In battle terms, they are the ones wounded on the ground, and we are the ones with the sword in our hands that can stop the enemy from finishing them off!

There was a time in my life when life itself had taken its toll on me; a time when I was about to be finished off by the weight of the enemy's schemes. My hope was gone, and I honestly didn't believe anyone would know or care that I was gone.

God sent someone into my life to stop the final blow! He sent someone to show me that they cared whether I lived or died.

In reflection, how many finally blows have I or have I not stopped? What about you? How many times have you thought, “someone else will share Christ with that person?” But, what if no one else ever gets the chance?

What if the window for that person to receive Christ was as small as the time it took for you to pass them on the street?

What if your opportunity to change a culture is as simple as trading hypocrisy and criticism for the true, pure, and compassionate love of Christ?

The story of Lachish goes on to Jerusalem. King Sennacherib of the Assyrians marches against the holy city, but, King Hezekiah does what is pleasing in the Lord’s sight, and 185,000 Assyrian soldiers were struck down by an angel of the Lord that night!

It was this same proud king, who just hours before had been ranting and blaspheming the name of God to the people of Judah saying, “In whom do you now trust?”

So, in the face of a massive and ruthless adversary, in whom do we trust to deliver us? And when will we take what is declared on our dollar bills and declare it whole-heartedly by the way that we live?

There’s no telling what the future will bring for our Nation, but I don’t trust in the United States of America! I trust in the Lord God Almighty! The Great I Am who promises to never leave us or forsake us.

“Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you….Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:3-9

I took some time to listen, and here is what I heard.

God has never been a big fan of treading water! He often makes us wait, and He asks us to trust in Him when we do not understand, but our Father would sooner part the seas before watching His people drown in hopelessness! Is. 43 says that the waters will not over take you, and the fires will not burn you, but you have to walk through it first for it to be true! We are all facing obstacles in our lives, but He promises us that if we walk through them in faith, that those obstacles are not a factor in God’s plan to fulfill his purposes in our lives, and his purposes on this earth.

What I keep hearing from the Lord in my prayer times is that He is parting the seas for us! He’s clearing the way, and in the face on our adversary, He is telling us to go and over come the odds.

In the last few weeks I’ve had several conversations with people who have been hearing the exact same words and seeing the same visions as I have, and discovered that our journal entries are very much tied together and confirming those words. That tells me that this is the year when the Body of Christ is finally hearing the voice of their shepherd clearly and universally throughout all its members. I don’t know if it’s because God is speaking louder, or if we are just in a better place as a whole to hear what He’s always been saying, either way friends, He is speaking and we are listening…and that is truly a very exciting and awesome thing!

God has made himself more real to me in the last few weeks than what I’ve been able to understand my whole life! I’ve seen people walk into a church service that I never thought I’d see again, much less at church! I even went bowling with an old friend I use to get high with back in middle school, and just the fact that she was clean and sober was a miracle in itself! Prayers that have been prayed and warred over for YEARS are being answered just like that! And they seem to almost be happening in a specific order, if you think about it, according to His perfect plan!

Sure, there are a lot of hard things going on right here in Bend and within our churches, but I was at Emerge last night, and what I saw was a deep and profound movement of the Holy Spirit within every heart! What I saw was hope, renewed courage, faith, uplifting of one another, and a stirring of spirit like I’ve never seen before.

I myself have been facing one of the hardest years of my life with my family. There are heart-breaking things going on that I cannot change or fix, but what God has done in my heart through the whole process is almost unbelievable! I have more love, more compassion, more mercy and grace in my heart than I ever thought I could have. Not just for my family, but for all my brothers and sisters in Christ, all of you that is, and for the lost and hurting people in our world who still need Christ. I also feel like God has given me completely new eyes all together. It’s kind of funny, because unfortunately my physical eyes have gotten a bit hazy this year to the point of sometimes needing to wear glasses, but I believe God is using that to show me how much He does not conform to human limitations, and his power to work in my life does not fade, dim, or ever get hazy. His intentions for me and for the rest of the world are quite clear, to prosper us and not to harm us, and to give us a future and a hope!

I wanted to encourage you today. If you feel like you are drowning, set your feet upon the rock of Jesus Christ, and watch Him part the seas for you! He sends us into deserts, calls us through storms, and petitions us to persevere, but in doing so He never once said that the ground we would be walking on would be un-sturdy! If your steps feel shaky, check to see what ground you are walking on, for we are promised that upon His firm foundation we cannot be shaken, and He will not let us fall. (Ps. 121)

This is indeed the year of joy; because this is the year we will all be rejoicing in the real hope we have in a real Savior! We will be rejoicing over the awesome things our God does; the incredible, unbelievable, impossible things that He will do that no one can deny or explain away!!

I loved Cassie’s status update last night, “tell someone, plunder hell make the gates shake!” Thanks Casey for that awesome song!

Our enemy is MAD!!! I can tell as well as any of you can, but that’s a good thing!:) He’s on his way down, we all know how this is going to end, but he’s still going to take as many down with him as he can. This is the year of joy, but this is also the year when we must stand together like never before! To show mercy and grace to each other in the church as well as to those we are trying to reach for Christ.

Matt. 18:15; Heb. 12:15; Rom. 15:1; 1 Thess. 5:14; Gal. 6:1; Heb. 2:18; Luke 17:3-4. The word of God speaks for itself! I would encourage you all to read these scriptures and put them in your hearts. God has used them to conform my own heart to obey His.

We are commanded to bear one another’s burdens, and just so you know, Jesus did not give us permission to give up on ANYONE!!! We are not allowed to leave anyone behind, because the Body of Christ was designed to hold on to each other. When someone falls, we are to pick them up. When YOU fall WE are to pick YOU up!!!! We are commanded to forgive each other, as Christ has forgiven us. If a person falls into sin, we are not to write them off and leave them to fend for themselves! Love covers a multitude of sin, so the answer to someone’s struggle with sin is not judgment, or criticism, or shunning them, the answer is to show them love and grace. Yes, it is important give correction where it is needed, but godly correction is NEVER to be used for tearing down. We are to correct…and then LIFT THEM UP! Lift them up out of the sin and covering that sin…never to be seen again, with the love of Christ, just as your own sins have been covered and forgiven.

I must tell you friends, that before I came to Christ I used my flaws, my addictions, my swearing, my “she looks like she belongs in counseling or jail” appearance to prove my case against you Christians that you were all hypocrites! I used my own bonds to prove that no one saw the pain I was in because no one cared to look past what they saw on the outside! It was only until God brought someone into my life that CHOSE to see past my baggy clothes and spike collars, and chose to see what God saw that I was able to finally understand the real love of Christ! Once I knew that Christ saw ME, and accepted me, He took those bonds off and I left them off! I knew I was living in sin. I absolutely knew I was destroying my life, but why should I care if I didn’t believe anyone else cared? If I didn’t even believe God cared because of how people treated me?

Here is what I see now: Us, the Church, banning together, every person united, regardless of how they dress, how they talk, or what movies they watch, singing and shouting praises of Joy to our King, and adding new people to our family daily as the people in Acts did….and then some!!

I am reporting for duty! I am willing to bear your burdens! I am willing to love you, and show you grace; to cry and laugh with you, and stand in warfare for your life with you. I am willing…because I am ready to see God’s promises fulfilled in the Church. What are you ready for and what are you willing to do to see it happen?

Shinning into 2009

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."~John 9:5



When I was growing up, we lived in a house that was over-shadowed by the two-story apartments behind us. Every night for 16yrs I would lay in bed with my thoughts synchronized to the rhythm of my neighbors' lights being turned on, and off, and on, and off, and so on. I didn't have blinds for a long time(the ones I had broke), so the effects where the equivalent of a full on strobe light party in my bedroom into all hours of the night. You are probably concluding right about now that, "this girl didn't get much sleep for those 16yrs!" Ya, I didn't!



Anyway, looking back at all those nights of watching my bedroom walls light up, and trying to trace each shadow back to its original source, got me to thinking. I realize now that my neighbors had no idea that their OCD light switch compulsions were in fact robbing me of my beauty rest. Their intentions were simply to turn on the lights in their own world; never to know how their light was affecting someone else's darkness.

"As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world!" What a powerful statement! And how wonderful is it that when Jesus ascended into heaven, he didn't leave us in the dark! Instead, this now becomes OUR statement! As long as we are in the world, we are the light of the world. The cool thing about light, is that there is no darkness that can escape it.

Light=hope, light=refuge, light=guidance. Friends, let us shine our light of Christ brightly in every circumstance; you could chase away someones darkness without ever knowing it...as long as you are in the world, and you are shinning!

P.S. May this post encourage you to be more considerate about putting on strobe parties in other people's bedrooms, if you happen to be one of those two-storied-dwelling-people that is!:) And yes, I do now have blinds!

This is a post from this same time last year, and I think it is a good reminder of all that God has done!

"Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:1-5~

I have come to this new place in my life where I can see that I am bearing much fruit. The Lord has been blessing me so abundantly with so much opportunity and success in everything I put my hands to.

A lot of the things I was praying for these past two years have been graciously answered beyond my expectations, and I am in awe as I watch the visions God gave me and the words he spoke over me unfold before my feet just as he said they would.

I have been given so much more than I asked for, but this season of prosperity I am in is not how I thought it would be. He has changed me through the process, and I find myself with all new struggles. I am full of joy and excitement for what is ahead, and at the same time I feel the discomfort of being pruned and shaped from the inside out.

My circumstances have changed, but more than that, my heart has been completely changed. The way that I think has completely changed, and I personally cannot take any credit for it.

A lot of people focus on the part that says " ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." (John 15:7) including myself, but what it says before that is that if you want to bear more fruit you must be pruned!

I have to admit, that I haven't always believed that what I was praying for would ever be answered. I believed God could do anything, but a part of me was never convinced that He would do it for me. I sort of thought I would only see Him do it for everyone else...and honestly, I think it was a cop-out so I could stay where I was comfortable!

He revealed to me that I was not giving Him my whole heart, so my heart went wild with pride, fear, doubt, and complacency, and He could not prune it out because I was not letting Him. I waisted so much time wondering why I could not change myself; why I could not just be different; why I could not grow anymore.

A professional gardener can take his sheers to a tree or a shrub, and make it look beautiful, all while encouraging it to grow up, thus, clearing the walk way it was blocking before. But someone with no experience tries to go and do the same thing, and butchers the the poor thing, and it almost hurts just to look at it!

God wants to trim off the bad branches, clear my path, encourage me to grow taller and fuller, and make me look beautiful. Instead, I take the sheers and either butcher myself, or just let myself grow wild and out of control, not to mention I'm blocking my own path! Well, I finally gave Him the sheers.

Though it is uncomfortable during the process, I feel more beautiful now than I ever have. I feel clean and fresh, and closer to my Lord. When I look ahead, I see challenges, but I am not discouraged. I just take a deep breath and... Abide in Him!

I know there will still be stretching to do, and times for the need of endurance, but I also know that I can Trust in Him that I will reach the other side in better condition than when I started.

"By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples." ~John 15:8

Christmas will be different this year!

Christmas will be different this year, that's for sure,
my family is not the same as it was before.

No Christmas cheer, or laughter in the air,
Peace, hope, joy and love have been replaced by despair.

It's hard to say what the next few weeks will bring,
having a Merry Christmas seems like such an unlikely thing.

In spite of the sadness of how things appear,
I've reason to hope, and no need to fear.

For Jesus is Lord, and mighty to save,
He is loving and faithful, and He'll make a way!

Traditions change, and though it's hard to let go,
new season are sure to arrive with blessings in tow.

As bad as things seem in the eyes of uncertainty,
My God is ALWAYS good to me!

Prayers are filling up heaven's bowls,

and if I wait for the out-pour,
Christmas will be different this year, that's for sure!